Holy wow.
It's here. It's finally here.
Finals from fall semester are over, which means it's officially time for the last semester of my senior year of college. It's been six years in the making. And I should be totally stoked, but to be completely honest, I'm terrified.
I'm 23 years old and I have been in school for pretty much my whole life. I don't remember what life is like without homework and class registrations and a set schedule based around my classes. What if I'm not ready for it? What if I fail?
It's hard for me to not be anxious about what will happen after this semester. I want to stay in Northern California. I want to write. But, what if I screw it up? I know I shouldn't live in the what-ifs, but my entire future is looming before me and it's a scary thing. What if I can't find a place to live? What if I can't find roommates (as an extrovert, that would be AWFUL)? What if my piece of junk car finally dies and I can't afford a new one? What if? What if? What if?
When I think about my last semester of college, that's what runs through my mind. An endless stream of what ifs. I make jokes about not being ready to adult, but what if I'm really not? Again, this is my entire future we're talking about! It should be exciting, but instead I've put so much pressure on myself to find immediate success that I'm terrified to attempt life outside of schooling.
So, maybe I should take the pressure off myself. So what if I don't find immediate success? Will that really be the end of the world? I'm only 23 after all. I have my whole life ahead of me. Maybe the first career won't be a perfect fit for me, but that's okay. If I've learned anything from this life it's that there is always another option, always another chance to find the perfect fit. Whether that be a different major or a new job, you're always one step closer to that dream job.
And, even if I do mess up and things don't go according to plan, I will still have friends and family. I have to remember that I am much harder on myself than anyone else. During a rough week, I had two friends who consistently reminded me that I am loved and I have them. I was so mad that I couldn't handle everything that life had thrown at me and I felt like my friends would think I was a bother. Instead, I was shown support and love throughout the week and reminded that even when life is a little low, I still have friends.
So, even though the thought of my future is scary, I just have to remember that things will work out. Here goes...
