May is mental health awareness month, and this year's theme is "Life with a Mental Illness." Mental health is much more relevant than some may realize; in 2014, about one in five American adults experienced a mental health issue. Even if you yourself are not dealing with a mental illness, chances are, someone you care about is.
In recent years, mental health has captured a whole new meaning for my family and me, but most importantly, my brother. At the age of 18, a psychiatrist diagnosed my twin brother with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and generalized anxiety. From that moment on, my family has offered all of the love and support that we can possibly give, and more. I knew that it started at becoming more familiar with his conditions.
Because May is Mental Health Awareness Month, I thought I'd reach out to my brother and gain a more personal understanding of what life is like with a mental illness. I want to share his story and help fight the stigma that surrounds mental illness, because no one should ever be viewed in a negative light due to their health conditions. Furthermore, no one should ever be told that what they're dealing with isn't real, or looked down upon for medicating. I would never want my brother to be discriminated against, put down, or treated differently for something he didn't choose to receive, as I'm sure anyone would want for themselves or a loved one.
1. When did you first become diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD?
I was diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety in December of 2014 at the age of 18, which, especially for ADHD, is a late diagnosis.
2. What was your initial reaction to receiving an actual diagnosis?
It was bittersweet. I was glad that my feelings and worries were being validated and that I had something more tangible to describe what I had been feeling for most of my life, at least since starting my education. At the same time, I felt what a lot of others feel when they are diagnosed with a mental illness. I felt fortunate that it wasn't something more insidious or hereditary, but I wasn't excited to tell my friends and family that I couldn't solve my own problems. I felt ashamed that I had bottomed out and needed medication to do what people do everyday unassisted.
3. Are there any specific experiences you had growing up that lead you to suspect you had these mental health conditions?
As far as the anxiety is concerned, I feel like I was always a worried and nervous child. I remember hating going to bed with a passion because when I was just by myself in my bed I felt my mind reel. Was Dad going to make it home from the firehouse ok? Was someone going to break into the house?
As far as the ADHD, anyone can tell you I was an incredibly hyper child, and doing something as simple as a book report, the dishes, or cleaning my room could take hours. It's not that I didn't want to do those things, but I would get derailed to such a degree that I'm surprised I did well in grade school. Even now, doing anything unmedicated feels like pulling teeth, and being on my own at school and with the distractions of our generation has greatly exacerbated that.
4. Do you medicate? If so, how does this make you feel?
I do medicate. I take Adderall, which is a stimulant that curbs my ADHD. In addition, I take Lexapro which is an anti-depressant (SSRI). I use an anti-depressant for my anxiety because SSRIs help regulate my mood, and therefore I'm less anxious. And as a last resort, I use Ativan for when I get panic attack which can be tricky because it usually puts me to sleep.
I have good and bad feelings about being medicated. Starting my regimen was an interesting experience as I got used to my new medications. The first couple days I remember wanting to cry at the littlest things (I vividly remember breaking down while watching TV and eating Chipotle), because I felt my emotions fluctuate, and I felt them more profoundly than I ever had. I also would have issues with stuttering the first couple days, and would have weird out of body experiences. The Adderall has greatly curbed my appetite, and there will be some times where I can't bring myself to eat because the thought repulses me. I'm at a good place right now with my medications, and feel like they have been incredibly effective.
5. What's the one thing you wish more people knew about you or mental health in general?
I think people need to remember not to define anyone who has a mental illness by their mental illness. No ones chooses their crosses to bear. And I think in my case, I am lucky enough to have incredibly manageable conditions. However, a lot of people will tell you ADHD is a myth, or that I did it to gain a prescription. Moreover, when I tell people I have anxiety I'll usually get, what do you have to be anxious about. I think a lot of people think anxiety is situational, rather than physiological. I can be having a great day with no care in the world, but I can still have a panic attack (scarier than I could have ever imagined) without warning.
6. This year's theme for Mental Health Month is "Life with a Mental Illness" - How do you respond?
I think it's a great thing. I think our generation especially is more cognizant of what our peers deal with, and more and more people are recognizing that they have the power to help themselves and get their issues sought to whether that be through friends, family, or mental health professionals.
7. Any final statements or comments?
Only you know your own experience. Don't invalidate the struggle of someone else, and remember that mental illness is not a choice.
