While my inner political science major is simultaneously screaming at the current condition of the presidential election and loathing the fact that the first election I’m eligible to vote in features a U.S. Celebrity with a bad comb-over and a nacho-cheese-Dorito inspired spray tan who's contesting a former First Lady (+1 for women) who may or may not have referred to black males as “super-predators” (-100 for black people), my inner millennial is loving the fact that I can watch two old, rich, white people engage in petty “he said/she said” fights on national television, all for free. But, as interesting as the Donald and Mrs. Clinton are, I think we, the citizens of the U.S., are all ignoring a bigger, more intense battle: the fight for the First Spouse in the White House.
On the left, we have a White House reigning champion, Former President Bill Clinton himself, on the right, model, fashion designer and third wife of the Donald, Melania Trump. While these two might not be engaging in a physical brawl broadcasted on HBO or Showtime, this fight between a saxophone-playing politician and an "anti-aging cream" creator might rival that of #Maypac.
For the Democrats, weighing in as a former President of the U.S. with a government budget surplus under his belt, Bill Clinton undoubtedly packs heavier punches than Mrs. Trump in terms of experience, but Bill isn’t as fast on his feet as he once was. While he somehow coined credit as the “First Black President” (p.s. not a compliment although it was portrayed as such by the media), Mr. Clinton is still suffering from an injury acquired in 1998 involving a second party (*cough Monica Lewinsky cough*) that was augmented by his subsequent impeachment initiated by the House of Representatives in ’98. While Clinton maintained power and pushed through via his acquittal from the Senate, Bill didn’t cross the finish line without some scrapes and bruises to show for his ordeal.
Although Melania has comparatively no experience (see: none) in U.S. politics or any body of politics in general, we have to give the Republicans credit where credit is due: she is super hot. And she’s college educated (maybe)! While her biography on her self-titled web page boasts that she graduated with a degree in architecture and design from a University in Slovenia, according to the official public records of the University of Ljubljana (searched by CBS), Melania dropped out after a year to pursue her modeling career. Makes sense, I mean, she’s pretty hot. But, this inaccuracy in her background generates quite a lack of credibility in her character that was only further muddled through her speech given during the first day of the RNC (aka yesterday July 18, 2016) in which she plagiarized passages from a speech given by First Lady Michelle Obama at the 2008 Democratic Convention. Let the record show that this act of plagiarism would probably result in her expulsion from any university, so maybe it’s a good thing she dropped out.
While Melania shows promise to be a possible First Lady with many “firsts” (i.e. the first First Lady to pose naked for a GQ cover), people have been criticizing her character as she willingly (as far as we know) chose to marry Donald J. Trump. But, this marriage could further work in her favor as her status as a “Slovenian immigrant turned American citizen married to a man who boisterously demonstrates his dislike (see: hate) for immigrants” might prove to be a confusing enough situation to act as a veil for her to swoop in and land some punches against Mr. Clinton in the ring. But, Bill’s ability to duke it out shouldn’t be underestimated; he survived two presidential elections and an impeachment, what’s a little fight for the title as the “First Spouse"?
