She thinks it seems treacherous, to be thinking of him when her heart and her pain has always belonged to you.

But she does think of him, the times when he would take her side when it mattered, when he would walk by her side, the nights spent talking and laughing. She thinks about the times when he would look down and catch her eyes on his, the times when they would look away and smile.

She remembers how it felt to fall in love for someone in reach, tangible.

But, in the dark, when she's alone with her thoughts and the moonlight streaming in through the window, when the only sound is that of the wind against the window, she lets the guard she put up against you fall down and finds her thoughts straying, wandering back to you.

She thinks it feels weird to have moments with anybody else that isn't you. But, she does, and for those few minutes, she smiles and forgets to miss you.

She thinks, wasn't this the point? Finding someone else to make her forget, to make her get over you, to find someone who is tangible.

But, she knows you're still there, lingering in the depths of her mind.

She still looks for you, and her heart always skips a beat or two, just at the thought of finding you and feeling your presence again.

But, for those few moments, you aren't there. And when she realizes that the memory of you is slipping away, she gets scared, terrified that the years of loving you and the feeling of being around you can just disappear, without her seeing you again. Without her ever telling you that she'll always love you.