Chronic pain. Muscle fatigue. Hot as a blazing fire.

These keywords describe how I feel on a daily basis. Yes, you read that right, daily.

Oh, how at the "ripe young age" of 20, I never expected to receive an incurable yet life-long diagnosis. A silent disease, Fibromyalgia. So quiet, you would never know I suffer if I hadn't told you.

So what exactly is Fibromyalgia? It is amazing that not many people know, then again it is a silent disease for a reason, right?

Fibromyalgia is chronic pain that affects the muscles and soft tissues. Ouch. I am basically one big bruise as I like to say. It can affect many areas of the body at once or simply be one big flare up in a small spot.

Every day is a new day. You never know what is gonna happen from the moment you wake up to the moment you fall asleep, that is if you can sleep. Fibromyalgia can leave you feeling restless. For how can you sleep if you can't get comfortable? It's hard to sleep when the pain does not cease, or the fire comes back.

This is definitely not how I imagined living the rest of my life. Fighting my body daily while it fights me back. I always wonder if I did too much as a kid. What if I had slowed down? Would I feel the way I feel today? Could I have prevented this?

I spent my life being active, playing sports, nothing could stop me. Now I fight my body daily as it tries to attack me and halt my footsteps. Tasks that were once so simple, such as sitting on the floor wrapping presents, have become so strenuous.

It's hard to realize simple things that you once enjoyed are no longer enjoyable tasks. I should be in the prime of my life, not heading full speed at a downward spiral. Why must this be?

This disease has mainly attacked my legs and lower back. When I sit, you hear a loud pop. If I sit too long my knee will lock up and I can become immobile.

Maybe I'm just not moving enough?

But as I look around I see people who have not shifted their weight for insanely long periods, so why should I have to remind myself to? Also, am I shifting too much? I feel like I move too much, people do stare ya know. People say you're "squirmy" or "anxious." So many questions and I am afraid I will never receive answers.

This disease is still not widely known. There is not a wide range of research, it is still a medical mystery to many. Hopefully, over the next decade or so, doctors will spend more time learning so we can understand why it happens.

I would love to receive some answers to why, how, what can we do to prevent it? I would never wish this on my worst enemy.

Until then, life must continue. I will continue to stay as healthy as I possibly can. I will not let it keep me down. I must keep moving.