Last week, I discussed 10 surprising symptoms of pregnancy that no one ever tells you about. I can't even count how many times I found myself dumbfounded by a symptom thinking, “How did no one warn me about this!?” Well, I gotchyo back, sista! Here are a few more shocking symptoms I experienced! Oh, and just a warning: things get blunt. If you can't stand the heat, you might wanna stop right here. (Sorry not sorry!)

One thing you realize early in pregnancy is how often you talk about the bathroom. You spend so much time in there, and so many of your symptoms are discovered behind closed doors, sitting on the throne. So, speaking of the toilet, how regular are you? Oh yeah? Expect that to change. I found that I was either suffering from constipation, or diarrhea. All in the same day sometimes. Lovely hormones slow down digestion and suddenly, your bowels are confused. Take a stool softener, drink a lot of water, and get lots of fiber. And no, it doesn't end when pregnancy ends. Yaaaaaaay... (Sarcasm much?)

Ready for more bathroom fun? Good! Because you'll be running for it quite a bit! A growing baby means less room for your bladder. Doctor wants you to drink more water, which gives you a 20 minute bladder capacity. Suddenly simple things like sneezing, laughing, or coughing become a dangerous gamble. Sitting through a movie is a game of chance. And remember when your bladder used to last you the whole night? Ha! Say goodbye to quality sleep, thanks in part to your cramped bladder.

Which leads to another less-than-awesome pregnancy symptom. Exhaustion. During the entire first trimester, I was so run-down and lethargic. I just could not get enough sleep to counter all the hard work my body was performing non-stop. However, during the second trimester, I felt like nothing could slow me down! But by the middle of the third trimester, sleep was a mythical creature, like a beautiful, forsaken unicorn. But that’s only the beginning of sleep-evading obstacles. There are also strange and awkwardly vivid dreams or nightmares throughout the entire 40 weeks. If you’re not much of a dreamer now, that will probably change. Adding to nighttime difficulties, is your widening hips and growing belly. I could literally feel my hips trying to run away from each other and spread like Moses parting the Red Sea. Invest in a good body pillow to help alleviate the pain. If you’re a back or tummy sleeper, get used to sleeping on your side.

Speaking of pain, get ready for it. Everything will hurt at one time or another, I guarantee it. Migraines, back pain, menstrual-like cramps, sciatica pain complete with numbness, tingling and loss of sensation and control in your legs, low abdominal pressure once the baby has dropped, giving way to a divine thing known affectionately as “Lightning Crotch”. LC is a searing, stinging, white-hot pain right in your baby box that comes out of nowhere, and gives you visions of dead relatives and pets. The most terrible thing of all? No prescribed pain meds. Poor little baby can't handle it. During my first trimester, I got a searing migraine in addition to the nonstop nausea. All I could take was Tylenol! I tried to think of it as preparing myself for the pain of contractions and childbirth. (Yeah, right!)

There’s this cool thing called Braxton Hicks contractions. They’re basically your uterus practicing having contractions. They can be so minor that you don’t even notice them, or they can be so intense that you think it’s the real deal. One thing no one tells you is that you can actually make them worse by not taking care of yourself. I found that I usually experienced them in the evenings. And on days where I was especially busy and on my feet the whole day, they’d be much more intense. Even the slightest dehydration seemed to exasperate them as well. So don’t over exert yourself, and drink all the water you can guzzle down.

As your belly grows, your relationship with physics becomes questionable, at best. Buy some slip-on shoes and kiss matching socks goodbye. Bending over is a luxury of the past. If you drop something on the floor, there will come a time where you will debate with yourself just how important is to you that that item be picked up, or if it has officially become dead to you. Anything below knee level becomes a Black Hole of Nope. Shaving? Not without a mirror, or perhaps a spotter. If you are very good working by feel, you run the risk of shaving your lady bits into ground beef. Oh, and you’ll be rockin’ the sweetest gargoyle talons of all time if you don’t go get a pedicure. Seriously. My husband still has the scars to prove it. You also don’t realize how much that belly balloon has grown, and end up bumping people and things with it. If you find yourself in a situation where you think, “I can squeeze through that little opening between the tree and that table,” you can’t. Abort mission. Save yourself the embarrassment and just go around. Isn’t that a funny mental image?

“Let’s talk about sex, baby.” Everything down there is much more sensitive. Sex can feel the best it ever has or ever will. But it also requires some very creative maneuvering because of your big ole belly, and sometimes even because of the back and hip pain. And that can really kill the mojo of sexy time. Things also feel kinda weird “up there” in the hoo-haa. Plus you might not feel very sexy, aside from body image issues that might arise toward the end. Those hormones that are swirling around from the very beginning, can really kill your desire. (i.e. “Touch me and I will throat punch you so hard that your mother will feel it.”)

Two words: Mucus plug. It makes you want to cringe, am I right? If you’ve never heard those words before, you’re in for a shock. The mucus plug sits below your placenta and basically provides a buffer to protect your little one from all the icky stuff in the unsanitary outside world. You can start to lose it a few weeks before the big event, or you can lose it during. You'll know you're losing it when you wonder if your vagina just sneezed. Just another yucky leak that your body has sprung!

You will be hot. They don't call it having a bun in the oven for nothing! You are literally baking a human in there! I was so hot, I would sweat with the air conditioning set at 70 degrees, while my coworkers and clients had icicles on their noses. Make sure you find maternity clothes that breathe, and dress in layers!

You are not in charge. Oh no. If you have any ideas of the birth you want, prepare yourself now to adapt to any situation. You're not the one in the driver’s seat, that little munchkin is! Nothing will go according to plan. And you can get used to following your baby’s lead, because that adorable creature will always have ideas of its own, and you'll learn quickly to go with the flow. So go ahead and prepare your birth plan, but leave some wiggle room and prepare to throw it out the window!

You'd think the last month would sail by, but every moment of those last four weeks feels longer than waiting at the DMV, longer than snail mail. Part of that is the excitement. Part of that is the anticipation. Part of that is the fear. Part of that is realizing how many things you put off till the last minute because you thought you had more time. So, chances are, you'll be scrambling to check things off lists in preparation for the best thing that ever happened to you. And then, when the big day finally arrives, it flies by so quickly!

I know it sounds like a lot of craziness. But it is so worth it! I hope it helps inform moms-to-be of the journey ahead, and fathers-to-be a glimpse of what mama goes through. I love to complain. It helps me deal with hardship. So I know it sounds like I didn't enjoy my pregnancy. But that is the farthest from the truth! I loved bringing my daughter into world, and felt so proud every step of the way to be the one responsible for her development and well-being. I miss feeling her inside my belly, but I cherish holding her in my arms and staring at her beautiful face. It makes it all so very worth it.