I think I might be worthless.

I can't step without fear.

Traversing is the hardest part

because a voice inside of me yells

Stop, you really believe that?

Doubt yourself.

It rolls over in my mind like billowing clouds

over and over and over

Does it ever get better?

I feel pathetic.

Where did my spark go?

Where did my mighty dreams end up?

I'm on a Ferris Wheel of imagination

that takes me to the highest peaks of endorphins.

Ideas flowing,

dreams mulling.

Colors in the sky changing

as I rise quietly,

taking in my picture of contentment

and then,

we move once again.

Crash.

I'm on the verge of plummeting

Back to the bottom I go.

Gravity pulling me deeper,

drenching me in sedentary stillness.

It shuts off like a light switch.

I can't find my passion.

My love for something greater than just getting through the day

Saying I'm okay

And lying through my teeth about how alright my day has gone

I'm a failure.

In my head at times

A sense of not living up to my last name

That has always been evident to me though.

The younger me would laugh at the present

Directly in the face.

No obstacle too big because

I never used to be weak,

But it seems like I'm breaking

No one seems to notice.

Or maybe

No one cares.

Whatever it is

I will be okay.

Just okay.

Tomorrow will be better,

But I say that every night.

Hoping dearly that I feel the happiness

I reach for so dearly

but

I never do.

I just see people staring back at me,

Cold

Selfish

While they speak their life into existence

Climbing the ladder

while I'm stuck in a circle.

Why has that never worked for me?

What's wrong with me?

My body feels useless,

unappreciated by my own being.

It just keeps going around and around

Until maybe one day

I can step off.

This is the only way I know,

the only way to clearly portray

how this motion feels.

Never-ending.

Is there anyone else out there

that understands the fear

of the constant, spinning comfort

I am on.