To state up front — I’m not even going to touch this subject in terms of the election because that has already been discussed very coherently here.
Are you over feminism?
You shouldn’t be. I guarantee you, someone is always contesting the need for feminists (no matter the gender of the identified feminist). In my own experience, as a feminist who is female, some guy is bound to accuse me of being too attacking if I try to speak my mind and combat the current, flawed social system.
Allow me to make the claim (and girls who also have guy friends, back me up): Guys tend to take such issues personally. In my own experience, I’ve felt that girls are conditioned to take criticism from each other and from society, and I think we’re so aware of all the issues that are prevalent that we often just accept them. Yet, we’re becoming more open to discussion, to speaking up. But guys? For some reason, they think they can get away with certain types of behavior, especially when they are in the company of female friends. No, you are absolutely not excused.
Last week, I wrote about “bro talk” and how I perceive it to continue contributing to a system that actively keeps women well below men. I contemplated the issue extensively to the best of my ability and took the time to seek out a close guy friend to make sure I got the other side of the issue. But I hesitated before sharing the article, even after making sure to include a disclaimer that I absolutely had no intention of attacking the male friends I’m personally connected to; I was legitimately afraid of alienating all my guy friends. I think I was right to hesitate, because I certainly experienced some subsequent tension. I know I was seen, by some friends and strangers alike, as a woman who thinks she’s oppressed, complaining pointlessly about problems that aren’t really there, just to complain.
To all of you who thought that for even a second: I don’t think you understand.
Some males are blissfully unaware of the struggles permeating everyday lives of females across the nation, but no matter who you are or where you are, there will be females around who are important to you personally.
If you are not a woman, you probably will never fully comprehend what it feels like to experience fear in certain environments, to experience constant pressure to behave within the impossible boundaries society has drawn for us. You will never understand what it feels like to know we are always being judged by females and males alike, to know that we will always have to work 10 times harder to still be paid less, to know that we can never walk alone at night without fear of physical danger, to know that even when undeniable injustice has been committed against us, likely very few will come to defend us, and we will face blame for what happened to us.
We need all the feminists, even the “crazy” ones, because otherwise, we fly under the radar, meek and submissive like we have for hundreds of years already. I am absolutely not going to sit back and pretend that I did something wrong by speaking up about something I feel is a problem or something that makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe and unworthy. I should have the freedom to do so, as all females should. No one can expect us to be the timid, barefoot-in-the-kitchen, docile, submissive women of old — are you kidding me? Look at the women in the world now, and look at what they’re doing. With the competent and powerful women surrounding us in this day and age, it’s ridiculous that anyone of us should still feel afraid of expressing our opinions about men.
I’m tired of swallowing my thoughts. I’m tired of opening my mouth only to “think better” of it and shut it, choosing instead to avoid conflict and the perception of being “that angry feminist.” We do not have the luxury of being easygoing, of letting every offensive comment slide by. We can’t brush things off. When we hear something like, “Those kinds of girls dress like that to get attention,” it’s a red flag — because we’ve come to need to look out for attitudes like that, to try and figure out who believes in gender equality and who doesn’t, who will stand up for us and believe us and who won’t.
For all the males out there who think they’re not misogynists and who think they believe in gender equality, but still have the gall to say I’m an “oppressed” woman (yes, in quotations because apparently they think it’s not a real thing): If you don’t actively try to learn about and understand what women go through on a daily basis, you will never have even an inkling of our experiences in a world that has centuries of imbalance and inequality built into its social system. Even the most privileged woman is leagues below the average white male in terms of opportunity, societal perception, and fair treatment.
It is absolutely true that there are many voices now that speak up about these issues, in varying degrees of extremism. But for now, we need all the voices out there — we still have a long way to go to fix the deeply rooted lopsided system that elevates men and shuts down women.
Still want to argue with me about my “oppression”? Then do your f*cking research, and start listening.
