It has come to my attention that we feminists owe society an apology, and I'm here to offer one.

First, to the men who find our words and actions offensive: I'm sorry.

I'm truly sorry that we've threatened your superiority. I'm sorry that we've burdened you with the tedious chore of treating women as intelligent life forms.

I'm sorry we have the nerve to call you out on your degrading and disrespectful comments. I'm sorry we take offense to your offensive sexist behaviors.

I'm sorry we tempt you by exposing our skin, yet have the audacity to ask you to refrain from catcalling and making advances without consent--how unfair! You're right, we shouldn't wear makeup, heels or skirts unless we're completely prepared to be at the mercy of men on the street. I'm sorry our bodies are no longer considered public domain, and that we incessantly remind you of this.

I'm sorry that when a woman says 'no,' she doesn't mean 'please, help yourself'-- Surely this was and continues to be an outrageously shocking discovery.

I'm sorry women vacated your kitchens and bedrooms back in the 60's and have been invading your classrooms and offices ever since. I'm sorry that we have goals beyond having your babies and making you happy. Clearly this has broken a fundamental law of nature.

My most heartfelt apologies go out to all of you gentlemen--I totally empathize with all of your complaints. Life just isn't as fun for you now that women are allowed to have voices, and insist on using them.

Now, I acknowledge that there are men out there who haven't asked feminists to apologize for these things. Some have read this far and thought to themselves "I'm not sexist, and I'm tired of hearing feminists complain about problems that don't exist anymore." I would like to take it upon myself to extend a special apology to this group of men.

Guys, I'm sorry you experience annoyance every time you read a feminist tweet/post/article/blog written by a woman who's had to experience humiliation, degradation and frustration at the hands of men. You're absolutely right: she is asking for attention and is most definitely exaggerating.

I'm sorry you're forced to scroll impatiently past the posts listing stats about date rape and sexual abuse: how cumbersome for you.

I'm sorry you feel personally targeted every time a woman references the patriarchy.

I'm sorry we occasionally ask to pay for your dinner or hold the door for you--that must be very damaging to your masculinity.

I'm sorry that you haven't received an award for not being blatantly sexist. I'm sure it's hard work, treating women like more than just slabs of meat. Kudos to you.

I'm sorry our problems don't seem big enough to concern you anymore. You're right: Women are "equal enough," and we should just quit while we're ahead.

And finally, I've saved a third, long-overdue apology for last. An apology to the women who are embarrassed and angered by fellow members of their sex demanding to be treated better.

I came to the revelation that you ladies deserved an apology after reading the article entitled "I Am A Female And I Am So Over Feminists." I would like to thank the author for opening my eyes to the 'load of bull' that we call feminism. After all, "it's not 'inequality,' it's just science."

And so, on behalf of feminists everywhere, I'm sorry we're such a nuisance.

I'm sorry we so greedily ask for equality.

I'm sorry we've been refusing to accept inferior treatment on the basis of being physically different from men. Obviously all men are big and strong and all women are dainty and fragile, and everybody knows that having more muscle constitutes superiority. We see that now.

I'm sorry we've been ignoring your advice to just "put down the picket signs and go home, already!"

I'm sorry we complain so much about only making 80 cents to the man's dollar for doing the exact same job. Of course men make more money--they have families to provide for, unlike women. (It is a well-known fact that a woman is physically incapable of raising children on her own.)

I'm sorry we've abandoned the proper biblical belief that the man is the head of the house, and it's a wife's duty to obey him.

I'm sorry we're too incompetent to understand that "boys will be boys," and there's nothing we can do to change that.

I'm sorry we haven't yet learned to turn the other cheek and ignore the existence of sexism in our daily lives.

I'm sorry we're not tough, like you. I hope you can forgive us.