As the #metoo movement continues to gain momentum, there is an overbearing misconception that feminism is about hating men. It's not.
If you are familiar with Urban Dictionary, you know they're known for funny and often sexual definitions of slang terms. But while Webster's definition of feminism is "the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes", the definition on Urban Dictionary says, "An Ideology that supports that women are superior to men, whether biologically, socially, or mentally." This is a huge problem, and represents everything that is aimed at holding women back. Yes, there are women who do hate men, just as there are plenty of men who hate women, and some of those women are also feminists - but this does not equate the two.
Because extremists make for a better news story, the media latches on to the feminists who do hate men and ensures their actions and language drown out the voices of those of us who are fighting for true equality - not superiority.
This idea feminists hate men is also perpetuated by those who are unable or unwilling to see anything wrong with their own behavior. Someone who is blind to their own skewed thoughts/language/actions, views our goals as attacks on men in general instead of specifically their attitudes towards women. There is a misunderstanding (intentional or not) of our message. In the home, in the workplace, on the street and in public places - all feminists want is to be treated as equal human beings. Some take this to mean the opposite, that women want special treatment because we are asking men to change their behavior. However, and this is the crux not just of feminism, but all social justice: To treat others equally does in no way diminish your own place in society; men lose nothing by treating women equally.
The #metoo movement began ten years ago as an effort to show solidarity and stand with the victims of sexual harassment and sexual assault, and recently exploded across social media in the wake of Harvey Weinstein's actions. The movement is an effort to unite as a group and show that survivors are not alone; it has happened to me too.
The hash tag has brought some important things to the forefront of the discussion surrounding rape culture, like why victims are so often met with distrust and ridicule and why so many victims feel they cannot come forward. One of the most important things that has come out of the movement is the push for men to admit wrongdoing and take responsibility for doing better. Looking at the wider scheme of things, it is astounding to me to be at the end of 2017 and just now, for the first time in my living memory, experience a social movement of men accepting the responsibility of ending rape culture. We have such a long way to go but it feels like a landmark in the journey to equality. Accepting failures and mistakes, particularly ones that result in damage to another person, is very difficult. But like all problems, the first step is admitting there is one.
Being that the internet is a magical place of hyperbole, little to no consequences, and downright lies, the amount of backlash and complaints that have surfaced in the wake of #metoo shouldn't be surprising. A common complaint surfacing recently is it's not inclusive enough; some people claim it excludes men who have been harassed and assaulted. Yes, men get harassed and assaulted too, and that's not okay. It also needs to stop. But this movement is to address the specific targeting of women who are harassed and assaulted on nearly a daily basis simply because they are women. The harassment and abuse of men should also have a place in our discussions and our fight for equality, but it isn't the point.
The other frequent complaint about feminism is it's exclusionary to women of color and transgender women. While certain circles and certain people who claim the feminist label are bigoted and exclusionary, when it comes to the ideology, this is inherently false.
Feminism fights for women's rights. Period. If you identify as a woman, you are included. Yes, there are women who call themselves feminists and still spout hate speech about men or difference races or different religions or gender identity but that does not mean that's what feminism stands for and it does not mean their actions are supported by other feminists.
As a heterosexual white woman, I recognize that any other woman who is not white or not cis has more of a fight ahead of them than I do to gain true equality. Many women struggle more than I do. But to every woman who feels marginalized by feminism, I want you to know that I include you in my fight for equality, and I will fight for your voice to be heard alongside mine. I will do everything I can to stop the exclusionary attitudes and hate speech that happen within some feminist circles and I will consider it my responsibility to make feminism inclusive to all women.
So please, don't write-off feminism as hateful and exclusionary because that isn't what it's about. If you want to lead a career driven life and don't want children, that's great. If you want to dedicate your life to nurturing a family and spending time with your children, that's great. If you hate makeup and shaving, that's fantastic. If you love trying new makeup styles and wearing dresses, that's fantastic too. If you're all of the above, that's wonderful. There is no wrong way to be a woman. All women, ALL women, are amazing.
