I believe in equality. I believe that women can have strong opinions, be passionate and do powerful things with their lives. I do not, however, believe that women can use feminism to justify their bad behavior. There is an appropriate way to be empowered, and there a lot of inappropriate ways people try to display their personal empowerment. This can come in the form of anti-men arguments, and women "free bleeding" despite the fact that such practices are known to be unsanitary. I hope most people know that what they do is not feminism, but there are also more subtle ways to misconstrue feminism. The one I encounter most occurs when a women is rude, disrespectful, or a bully, but justifies her actions in the name of equality. I'm talking about the girl down the hall who gossips about people who disagree with her. I'm talking about the girl who curses at waiters. I'm talking about the girl who forgoes basic etiquette in the name of feminism.
Etiquette, or manners, is not anti-women. It's pro-everybody. Manners are the rules laid down that tell us how to be respectful and responsible individuals. They include things like not burping at the dinner table, which is the most gender neutral "rule" I can think of. Sadly, there are women who, intentionally or otherwise, do those things in the name of "feminism." Burping over dinner may not be the that serious of an issue, particularly college students who have neither a table nor legitimate food, but forgoing social customs in the name of feminism is not only excusing rudeness, it's mis-labeling feminism. Feminism is not an excuse for the girl at my school who bullies people into getting her way and then calls it "being passionate." It wasn't an excuse for the girl in my high school who manipulated boys into doing her homework and calling it "being empowered." It was not an excuse for the girl next to me at a restaurant who cursed at her waiter and when called out said, "Well men do it all the time, but nobody ever tells them off."
When women justify their poor behavior by claiming it is feminist, they cause a lot of problems. First, they assume that whatever social rule they broke is inherently sexists, even though plenty are not. There is nothing sexist about treating people with dignity and respect. Sometimes women don't get that dignity, but that is no excuse to sink down to level of men who treat us poorly. Second, it is just that, sinking down to a pathetic level. If the only way you can get what you want is through unhealthy, cruel and manipulative relationships, that's not feminism that's childish and unhealthy. Third, you are just nasty. You tear down and destroy people and relationships. This is the heart of bullying. You think that what you do is empowering you as a female, but all it's doing is destroying those around you. It's the same power trip that causes high schools to be so wrought with abuses. but you've given it a big grown up word so you do not have to look in the mirror and see what is really happening and why you need a power trip so badly.
Just because men are allowed to do certain things doesn't make them right. Yes, it is often easier for men to get away with rude and disrespectful behavior, but that does not mean that women should engage in those behaviors. Equal rights means that you are equally allowed to be a terrible person but that will never make it right. Instead of hiding behind feminism in order to bully other people, we should be using feminism as a platform to encourage equally high levels of dignity, class, and respect. If we really are feminists, then why are we assuming that a man's behavior is better than ours anyway? As we try to even the playing field for men and women, we should not be encouraging women to lower their standards, but encouraging men to raise theirs.
