Although I 100 percent consider myself to be a feminist, I’ve always had trouble pinpointing exactly what that meant. And at some points in my life, I considered dropping the title all together. Maybe I just wasn’t “cut out” to live a life of patriarchy fighting, or own a collection of Ruth Bader Ginsburg candles. Even though I struggled with the idea of letting feminism go, I knew it would be for the best. “It’s not feminism,” I would remind myself, “it’s you.” And just as I began to lose all hope of ever making Gloria Steinem proud, I found it. And by “it,” I mean the woman who took all my feelings of trepidation and put them into words – Roxane Gay. The author, professor, commentator, and kick-ass woman whose words brought me and feminism back together again (we now live happily at my parents, but we're thinking of getting our own place after my Etsy shop of obscure glass art takes off). So, after watching her incredible TED talk, “Confessions of a bad feminist,” I wanted to gather as many quotes and sentiments as I could to show why she's such an incredible role model. Her words helped me discover that there is no perfect definition of feminism and just because you may not fit the mold, doesn't mean you can't create your own.

1. She summed up the pressure put on women who declare themselves feminists.

2. She understood the role women too often play under the thumb of politics.

3. She made it clear that sometimes we have to respect other people's ideas of feminism, even if they clash with ours.

4. She shut down the idea that women are hard to be friends with.

5. And finally, when she gave the easiest definition to feminism.