Gender is such an important part of our society that it becomes imperative for people to be playing the “correct” roles of their gender, or else they risk isolation. The idea of correctly portraying one’s gender is far more crucial to people in their teens and young adult years because of the strong desire to fit in and find common ground with people. Due to this idea, we tend to change how we act or overcompensate certain aspects of our personality just to be accepted, which can be detrimental to a person’s self-identity and self-expression.
Sometimes this can translate to how a person is seen within their group of friends. For the longest time, I was viewed as “one of the guys” to those I was friends with. This idea had strong implications for how I acted around other people. Because I had more guy friends than chick friends, I was constantly compared to my male peers. Usually, this was a good thing; easy to hang out with, understanding of my guy friends’ problems, able to mediate between the girls and the guys. Other times, though, it made me question if I would ever be “feminine” enough to be seen as a woman to my male friends.
Ultimately, both of these ideas implied a negative view of women. The first suggests that women are incapable of being easy to hang out with or understand men's problems without putting their femininity on the line. The second meant that to many of them I was still seen as being closer to a guy in my actions and mannerisms. To me, this meant that I needed to constantly be proving myself as a girl to them.
My change in ideals didn’t happen instantaneously but rather over the course of a few painful years. Many of the things I changed about myself started small, like wearing dresses and makeup, and painting my nails. These quickly developed into bigger changes that may have ultimately led to other problems in my life, such as reducing how outspoken I was, limiting the confidence I showed, and making sure that the boys around me weren’t threatened by my presence. My friends unknowingly turned me into the woman I never wanted to be, the woman who was meek and unwilling to voice her opinion, the hollow stereotype of a woman. All of the things that I had changed about myself to fit into the ideal “submissive woman” box not only changed me into a person I didn’t want to be, but it also reinforced the negative and harmful stereotypes that women are constantly being shoved into. Basically, I was trying to fit into the mold of being what I thought a woman should be rather than just being myself.
While I don’t regret any of the friends that I had in my younger years, I do wish that I could have come to this conclusion earlier in my life, that it doesn’t matter what others think of my expression of gender. The person I am today would not have existed if not for my former friends, and for that I thank them, but it wasn’t until I met people who had grown to love themselves that I realized that I am an amazing woman just the way I am. I buy into feminine ideals because I enjoy them, not because I feel the need to prove anything to anyone. I am still smart. I am still strong. High heels and lipstick, as it happens, don’t diminish intelligence or drive.
