If eighteen year old me could meet twenty one year old me, I am very sure that he'd be quite inspired. In three short years at the oldest women's college in United States, I have been given the tools to explore my own growth and discover what my identity truly is. While figuring out my gender identity, it has required a bit of resiliency on my part. Resiliency has encompassed most of my life, but no part of my life more than my college experience. In fact, it took lots of digging deep and all of the support of my friends in order to allow me the room to grow in such a way that I was able to find myself.
Contrary to what many of my peers may think, I am not a woman. I never was. Coming to terms with the fact that I do not identify as a woman at an all women's college is one of the hardest truths that I have had to face over the course of my life. I constantly hear things like "sisterhood" or "sister," and it often makes me feel excluded and like I don't belong at this school. Often times (not all of the time, but a majority of the time), these words make me feel awkward and out of place. I am sure that isn't true, but when I hear these terms used around me, I feel like this community isn't my community.
As I explore my experience as a transgender person on an all women's college campus, I begin to realize that not many people understand my experience because they aren't living it like I am. I am more than willing to talk with people about my experience and I am open to any and all questions. One of the hardest parts about my transition is realizing that not everyone is going to be respectful to me as I transition. To the religious bigots who believe I am sinning against my higher power, I frankly don't care for your opinion. The biggest component to my resiliency through my transition has been surrounding myself with mentors and friends who have my best interests at heart. I began exploring this recently, and this has made my transition less painful. By weeding out those who are not supportive in my journey, I have found that I am becoming more comfortable with myself and with my college.
I am aware that nothing is going to be perfect. I am still working to get a transgender policy at my school. I am becoming open to having conversations with people who do not understand my experience. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable, and I am welcoming others' ignorance as they make themselves vulnerable as well to me. I want people to learn about my lived experience, and I want to help them start to understand how my lived experience as a transgender person has affected my social life, my mental health, my ability to get a job, my ability to form meaningful relationship with others, etc. If, by the time I graduate, I have helped one person understand that I am still the same person, but I am now happier because I am embracing who I am, I will feel successful.
