I Don't Have To Be A Female And A Feminist

I Don't Have To Be A Female And A Feminist

And that is okay.
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Here we go. Feminism, a topic that I generally try to abstain from but I figured it was time to speak out. The reaction I get from women who find out that I do not agree with the feminist movement is mostly anger and disappointment. Reasonably so I understand why, they are supposed to be fighting for equal rights for women, aren't they?

My problem is the fact that honestly the feminist movement wants to do good, but their image and certain beliefs are overpowering what it used to be. Things that I personally cannot knowingly sign up for and defend. According to Webster's Dictionary Feminism is, by definition, "the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes." A definition that was once accurate, but now I see the type of feminism presented as a group of women trying to put men down like women have been since the beginning of time. Which doesn't the bible say turn the other cheek? An age old idea that putting other people down doesn't alway raise you to the point of power that you want.

Women over the years have been given amazing rights in the United States, that I am proud to say I have. In 1893 Colorado was the first state to pass an amendment to allow women the right to vote. Finally on August 26, 1920 the 19th amendment of the Constitution was passed granting women the right to vote. On June 10, 1963 Congress passed the Equal Pay Act to make it illegal for a job to pay a female less for the same job a man would do. Yes the feminist movement has been useful in the past and we have gone very far, but I don't think the things they stand for anymore are what needs to happen. Equality of the sexes in my mind reaches a certain point and then we get into a gray area. As a woman I believe there are just things that we cannot do and there are things men cannot do that we do.

As a student with a psychology minor I have studied the lifespan development with breaking down each period of life into different classes. I see the effect that dual-earner families has on children. Yes, I understand the reality of life expenses and some people have to work to support their child. But, children also need consistency and a connection with a parent to then be able to trust the world for future relationships. A nurturing skill that men just don't always possess. It is so often that the feminist movement is not fighting for equality anymore, but instead they are fighting for this idea of men and women being identical. Which by nature is impossible, men and women or different there is no way around that.

The feminist movement plays women as victims and only that. I do not want to have a victim complex and have to believe that I am at a disadvantage where ever I go. This is not the mindset I want to have about myself nor encourage young girls to have, I want to be a strong independent women and people are telling me that I am not. I hate to say it but those people are often the feminists. I think it is just as important focus on the fact that young boys are being forced to be child soldiers as girls being forced into arranged marriages in the middle-east and how wrong both of those are. Injustices in this world are much deeper and much bigger than just between men and women, especially in America.

The wave of feminism currently presented is telling me things that I choose not to believe. It is okay that I love to cook, it is okay that I want to take care of people, and it is okay that I want to take my husband's last name, whoever he may be. It isn't wrong that I want to do all of these things, I am a nurturer; it is in my nature to do these things. I don't believe that looking down upon women who do these things aren't reaching their full potential. Some of us are happy with the way our lives are spanning out or have spanned out. I don't want to force you to live that life if it isn't what you want, so don't make fun of me for living the life you detest. I do agree that women are not lower than men, God loves us all equally. I know that all feminists do not look down on women who do live this life, I thank them for that.

On the topic of God this moves into the subject of abortion. I am pro-life. A simple statement of a female fighting for the rights of unborn children, their rights almost seem less important than everyone else. If you want to fight for equality and women's rights, then where are the rights of the unborn daughters and sons? Since when do we get to decide which person gets to have rights? Aren't you fighting for equality or fighting for equality when it only works in your favor?

I believe that women deserve equality, as does any person no matter their gender or nationality. I just do not believe that the feminist movement is fighting for that definition equality anymore. Maybe once upon a time they did, but this new wave, in my mind, does not meet the standards that I want to follow. I am a Female and not a feminist and that is okay. We each are allowed to have our own opinions, this just happens to be mine.

Cover Image Credit: Smith & Hattery

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Tana Mongeau Is Extra And Controversial And That's What Makes Her Relatable

Because, at the end of the day, she's what we all wish we could be.

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YouTubers are some of the biggest "celebrities" nowadays, and it's still so hard to believe that the same people who started out filming videos in their bedrooms are now walking red carpets, attending premieres, and mingling with those from traditional, mainstream media.

There's a YouTube channel for everyone. Gaming channels, the beauty community, DIY-ers, daily vloggers, storytime channels, drama channels, unboxing videos, reviews, ex-Viners, whatever the heck the Paul Brothers do, and so much more.

With so many different categories available, the amount of YouTubers that exist and are "well known" is insane. It's hard to keep up with all of the creators (especially since new ones are coming out pretty much every day) but I'm sure we can all agree on a few that are household names (at least for everyone who is familiar with the platform) such as PewDiePie, Shane Dawson, Miranda Sings, Markiplier, James Charles (R.I.P.—he's not dead, but anyone keeping up with recent events knows why I'm saying this) and David Dobrik.

While all of these people are known and beloved (with the exception of Mr. Charles) as some of YouTube's biggest stars, there's another side of YouTube which consists of the ones people hate because they are controversial, filled with drama and have been "canceled" a few times. Come to think of it, Pewds, Shane, and James have all existed (or currently exist) in this realm of people, so it's pretty clear that it's revolving and never static.

A name that is very familiar within this group is none other than Tana Mongeau.

With her failed 2018 YouTube convention, TanaCon, which was supposed to rival the longstanding VidCon, originally created by the Green Brothers, being her rise to fame, she quickly became one of the most disliked personalities on the platform. However, long before TanaCon 2018 scarred many attendees with sad memories, and some with terrible sunburns, Tana had been starting scandals and had been the center of loads of drama.

It was basically her birthright, but I'm not mad about it.

One thing a YouTube viewer has to be conscientious of is that no matter who you're watching, no matter who you love with all your heart, everyone is human and therefore, everyone can make mistakes.

Apology videos on YouTube exist as far as the eye can see, but while many personalities let one or two scandals be the downfall of their careers, Tana Mongeau does not. Instead, she takes her mistakes and turns them around, making them her jokes and embracing herself for who she is: A f***-up.

So I guess there's really no surprise why she has a song titled just that just that.

At the base of it all, Tana is a twenty-year-old YouTuber who specializes in storytime videos, which are how she became popular, and who doesn't care what people are saying about her. And if you ask me, it wouldn't hurt if everyone tried to be a little more unapologetic like her.

What Tana has been able to create among her fanbase is phenomenal, to say the least. While outsiders may consider her fans to be "blind" or "dumb" because of their continued support even through all of her scandals and mistakes, as an insider myself, I simply consider us to be loyal and understanding.

To pretend one has never made a single mistake in their life is a lie. To act like one is and always has been 100% "woke" is a blatant disregard for all the growth that they've made throughout the years. And to write someone off for making a mistake, acknowledging said mistake, and accepting blame for the mistake without giving them room to become better is a shame that Tana Mongeau fans do not take part in, thankfully.

The internet's obsession with "cancel culture" in recent years has been unbelievable. And, if we're being honest, a tad hypocritical. Do people really expect me to believe that they've never f***ed up even once and that's why they have the right to designate who gets to continue being popular and loved and who doesn't?

Because I'm not buying it, and neither is Tana.

Instead of taking the L and crawling into a hole filled with dozens of other YouTubers who have let their mistakes be the end of the careers, Tana comes back even stronger than before each time. And while a lot of people might think she's annoying for that and doesn't know when to stop, I think it just makes her ten times better than everyone else.

Tana Mongeau knows who she is. She knows that, even though a person can do something wrong, that doesn't necessarily make them a terrible human or erase all of the good they've done in the past. Tana Mongeau lets herself and others grow, and Tana Mongeau knows that without giving people room to do so, you'd literally have nobody left on YouTube.

Except maybe the DIY-ers, since they never seem to be in any drama (unless they do it themselves—ba dum tiss.)

As a Tana Mongeau fan, someone who has watched her videos loyally for about two (maybe three) years now, I can definitely say she's had more than her fair share of scandals. She's been "canceled" several times (so much so that she decided to make her own "canceled" merch for her brand) and her apology videos happen to be some of the more entertaining ones.

Out of all of it, though, the one thing I have loved and will probably continue to love about Tana is that she lets herself be free. Her videos aren't monetized because she swears every five seconds? I guess she's not getting Adsense from them, oh well. She's below the legal drinking age in the country which she lives in? Well, then it's time to go to Mexico to film a drunk GRWM!

Though she's constantly put under a microscope for being annoying, talentless, trash, and so many other things I can't even think of, she doesn't let it stop her. Tana Mongeau continues to do what Tana Mongeau does best: Whatever the f*** she wants.

Isn't that what we all want to be like?

Wouldn't it be great to have her level of confidence, her level of assurance, and tell yourself that it doesn't matter if BeckyLovesYou345 left a comment on a YouTube video saying you're garbage because you know who you are?

If the world was a little more like Tana Mongeau, I wouldn't be mad about it. And if everyone started to think a little bit more like Tana Mongeau, I think we'd all be having a bit more fun.

She's a f***-up, she's a mess, she's this and she's that, but at the end of it all, she's having fun and being herself.

And I'll always love her for that.

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