I was beyond stressed with finals and needed a break from the world. Although everything seemed to be coming together and the semester was finally finishing, it seemed to me that I still needed a bit more of a push in something. It took me awhile to realize that that 'something' was Jesus. Let me rewind a bit.
December.
November.
October.
August.
July.
July 2016, I was diagnosed with FSGS Minimal Change Kidney Disease. Although I was told that I would consistently struggle, I didn't realize how much until I began college in August. I thought I had a pretty great support team. My friends, family and my boyfriend at the time. Well a week before I began college, I broke up with my boyfriend because he confessed to me that he had cheated on me. Me, being heartbroken, I jumped into a relationship with someone who emotionally abused me practically and throughout this whole time, I was going through my kidney disease. Gaining weight, not being able to fit into my clothes, getting stretchmarks all over my body, all my 'flaws' became clear and I struggled so much with my worth. I blamed everything on God. I knew that if none of this would have happened, I wouldn't have gone through this. It was a constant battle between who I wanted to be and who God wanted me to become but at the time I didn't know that. I had questions about why was I cheated on? If I hadn't been cheated on, I wouldn't be comparing myself to all these beautiful ladies. IF I hadn't been cheated on, I wouldn't have rushed into a relationship that was unhealthy for me.
I strayed away from Jesus completely and began to party, drink, smoke and fail classes. I thought it would normal because of the saying "It was college, you're supposed to have fun". It wasn't until three months into college where I became overwhelmed, stuck, needing of something more, I felt so worthless, alone and afraid. My roommate didn't help much, she was the one who liked to party, drink and talked to guys and we only went to church once together. So, I relied on my bible study that I hadn't attended since the beginning of the semester, the opening mass times, adoration and confession. It took awhile for me to come to a conclusion of who/what I wanted to do and to realize what I was seeking.
I was seeking Jesus.
November 2016, I took a trip to New York, I overheard my sisters speaking about how our church youth group was coming to an end by the end of the year. I pretended like I wasn't listening and began reminiscing how youth group was the reason why my Faith was so strong before. I wanted that back, I just needed to realize how I could get it back.
I began going to mass when Advent began, I came back to the church after five months.
After I beat Kidney disease, After I realized that no guy could ever define my worth, after I was finished stressing over school work, after I began to change my way of thinking, My group of friends changed, my intentions became clearer, my Faith increased, my prayer life took a 360, I began reading books over Faith, worship music was my best friend everywhere I would go, I changed my social media pages and recently I joined the Fellowship on Fire community over Twitter.
Fellowship on Fire began from a simple tweet from @Bailey_Seal about beginning a group message with people who loved Jesus just as much as he did. I simply DM'd him and he passed along his number. At first, we were in an imessage that didn't seem to fit all of us. So we created a GroupMe. It began with a group of 16 members and over the course of 72 hours increased into a community of 230 members from all over the world. There have been questions, prayers, bible studies, small groups, women groups, worship morning skype sessions, friendships made. Also, lets not forget doggo's, pigs, chick-fil-a talk, selfies, sc changes, laughs, jokes, tribulations, people leave the chat and enter the chat. I don't blame them, could you handle the 7,000 messages a day surrounded by people who love Jesus? This group of friends, family, community have influenced my life in only 72 hours that has made me become a better and stronger person of Faith. IT doesn't matter what's your denomination, what you are going through, what you've gone through, how many sins you have. This Fire that we have for God cannot go away. They have encouraged me and others to shine the light of Christ wherever we go.
God is good.
God places people in your life at the most perfect time and if those people are focused directly on Him then those are the most amazing friendships that you could ever encounter. As we grow in this community, as a daughter of the one true King, a sinner, a person. I have come to realize that God placed obstacles in my life to come closer to Him. All those times that I thought I was getting far away from him, I was only coming closer to his plan for me. We may not know what will happen today, tomorrow or the next day but that is why we should always strive for Holiness and to help others reach Holiness.
When you believe that God is giving you the hardest battles always remember that those battles are only proof of his Divine plan for you.
