Despite having been in college for just two months, there has been plenty of time to experience feelings I haven't previously. The change in pace, location and community has definitely encouraged a plethora of new, yet welcomed emotions. I have genuinely grown and changed within these couple months, for what I believe to be for the better. These are a handful of emotions that have struck me beyond all else, in my time at Clark University.
1. Motivated Frustration
In high school, I found myself frustrated at times, but never in a sense that it led me to search for an answer or solution. I often settled for just being frustrated. Being in college, and having difficulty in my classes has led me to more deeply analyze readings, not only for the author's intent, or the underlying meanings, but for the ways that I can apply this knowledge to the world around me. When I don't know an answer, I reread textbooks, I take my time in understanding the question, instead of accepting the concept as something that I simply do not know. I have a craving to learn again, something that is so important for our generation to have.
2. Challenged Philosophically
Taking part in philosophical discussions has always been a source of enjoyment for me. I love being confused, I love wondering. The conversations I have with people are hilariously drenched in philosophy, whether we are pondering the possibility of being a butterfly dreaming of being a man, or whether we are actually the reflection within a mirror, and what we believe to be the reflection, is actually the reality. These types of dialogues are so much fun to get lost in, and college has provided me with plenty of other like-minded people to journey into an existential abyss with.
3. Independence
Without parents to always fall back on in case of making a mistake, college forces you into independence. This is so refreshing. I value what I learn from my mistakes, and making them doesn't seem as intimidating, as I am now in an environment where anything can be turned into an opportunity for growth. There are so many resources, and exploring them has been so rewarding. I actually make appointments and meetings for myself; although this is somewhat of a trivial step towards adulthood, it feels good to be in control.
4. Desire For Interaction
With a plethora of personalities and backgrounds waiting to be explored just rooms away, college has given me so much enthusiasm for meeting people. The people that I have met have been so diverse in these areas, that every interaction is vastly unique and stimulating. They aren't afraid to be weird or wild, they are authentically themselves, which only motivates me to be my own authentic self. I genuinely want to be around people, and listen to them and their perspectives. In the past, I was more closed off, emotionally and socially, but the atmosphere in college breeds social interaction. You walk outside your door, and there are people who are there who want to talk. People are enthusiastic about what they may be studying or what organizations they are a part of, and they love to talk about it. This passion only inspires me to better myself.
5. Concrete Growth
There were often times over the course of my high school experience where I felt stuck, as if I had not changed as an individual. Through those years, the same mindset plagued me with anxiety and a stagnant attitude. I felt enclosed by the labels that high school binds you to. In college, I feel like I have opportunities to cultivate my interests and help other people, all while developing who I am as a person. And thus far, I have noticed a rise in self-confidence, as well as an overall sense of hope. Hope for the future, and all that it has to offer.
What I'm trying to get across, is to appreciate your surroundings, and the privileges you may have. Use these advantages to help others improve their lives. Take a moment to acknowledge your feelings, and what they mean to you as a constantly evolving individual, understanding that they are completely valid. Try to understand these and their roots, so that you can cultivate those that are positive, and comprehend those that are negative.
