Do you ever lay in bed at night feeling unloved or that you're not valued? News flash, ME TOO! For a while I often found myself lying in bed at night letting these thoughts run through my head of how unworthy I was and my value of life was useless. I couldn't fall asleep at night and I just let my thoughts play over and over in my head.
My parents got divorced at a very young age and I often felt as if I was the problem. Looking back on that time as an adult now I know that I wasn't the problem. But why did I often find myself thinking I was the problem? Well you see my earthly farther often told me I was the cause of many problems. I found myself running on empty to try and please him when in reality I would never live up to his standards. I wanted so badly to have a relationship with my father like my friends had with theirs but it was never there. I would come home with excitement to share a story with him to only be let down by "well when I was your age." or the cliché "well maybe if you tried a little harder."
When someone speaks things into existence you start to believe them. An that's exactly what began to happen to me growing up. I believed I wasn't smart, that I would never amount to anything, that I wasn't loved and that I had no talents. No matter how young or old you are that truly hurts to think about yourself in that way. For years that's exactly what my outlook on life was. It wasn't until I found a relationship with Jesus that I found what my worth was and found peace in who I was as a woman.
At 20 years old it finally hit me what my worth was. You see although my earthly father was saying these negative things about me, my heavenly father began speaking hope and life into me. Jesus once told me that I was worthy, I was loved and I was valued. When I finally understood Jesus's love for me is when the trajectory of my life changed. Although my earthly father was saying one thing my heavenly father was speaking life and wisdom into it. Jesus showed me what a real and raw relationship with a father was like. Today I find peace with my relationship with my earthly father and find JOY in the woman God has destined me to be. I hope that you can find your JOY like I have after once feeling unloved and less than.
