February Fears
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

February Fears

Sometimes I feel like my mind is a prison.

275
February Fears
Google Images

I look into my eyes and I no longer see the bright blue eyes that once stared back. I can’t find the light anymore. This scares me, because a few mere months ago they were shining brighter than they ever had before. Even though my life was far from perfect, I was content. Every day that I see that light diminish brings me one day farther from that happiness. I am terrified that one day I won’t be able to get it back. But for now I am fighting.

I am fighting for my happiness. To find peace within myself, and not rely on any outside source for my stability. I understand that everyone who cares about me is worried, and I can’t truly ease their fears because I can’t ease my mind. It is always racing, thinking of mistakes I made or could make in the future. Either I do anything to quiet my brain and make it shut down or I beg for it to wake up. So I can’t say that I am doing okay. I can’t plaster on a smile and fake a laugh. I am trying so hard to find what I once had, and I will not stop until I succeed. I’m so sorry for making the people around me worry. I have hope, that one day I will shine brighter than ever before, but until then please just be kind.

College isn’t all it's cracked up to be. For me, it is the farthest thing from “the best years of my life." I try so hard every day to find a place that feels comfortable, but everywhere I go brings me farther from who I am inside. I can’t exactly quiet that lingering fear inside that nags at me day in and day out, tells me I am in the wrong place and am becoming unrecognizable to those around me. And this voice is the one that keeps me up night after night.

I will not stop fighting. I cannot stop fighting. I will find myself again eventually. But for now I have to do the best I can to make things better. I find myself filled with gratitude for the people who care enough to stick around. I can only pray that March will bring me peace of mind.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

55193
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

35559
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

957627
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

185081
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments