Don't Let The Fear Of Getting Close To People Keep You From Making Everlasting Connections

Don't Let The Fear Of Getting Close To People Keep You From Making Everlasting Connections

It's time to let your guard down.

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I seclude myself in the fear of judgment. I seclude myself in the fear of opening up. I seclude myself in the fear of allowing another person to know the depths of my soul and walking away with the ability to break me. I seclude myself because its comfortable. I seclude myself because it's easier to be alone without the chance of being hurt by others.

However, I've recently recognized the damage this has created for me. It has prevented me from developing friendships. It has made me shy away from old friendships. It has given me a negative outlook about the world. It has made me thoroughly consumed in loneliness to the point that I am unsure how to break free from its control. This connection that I refuse is needed. Without it, how will I be able to internally grow to my greatest potential? The truth of the matter is this:

People will hurt you, that's a given. Attempting to prevent that hurt will only hurt you in the end. There is significance in being heartbroken by others that pushes us to grow internally to excessive lengths. We must understand this. Shutting yourself out from the world leaves you alone; with no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to share interesting events with, and no one to listen. Our minds make us believe we can handle it, and that we are strong enough to live in silence away from people. But we are wrong. Time will prove that being in your own world for too long can cause detrimental comfort. Comfort that we become so invested in that it is nearly impossible to walk away from.

To those who have found compelling fascination for avoiding the world,

There is beauty in letting your guard down for others. There is a purpose in allowing others to see you for who you truly are. Don't let the horrific people you have experienced paint an extremely gloomy perspective of what the rest of the world might offer. You will be surprised how many people can help to heal your pain, if you give them the chance to. You will be amazed once you are able to visualize the number of remarkable people who are out there waiting to meet someone like you. Take a risk, because there is more unexpected greatness that will occur as a result than there is expected misery. There is plenty of opportunity for meeting someone who resembles your most valued qualities, who will be willing to reciprocate care, love, kindness, and consideration. You need to be willing to face the possibility of internal wounds for the sake of developing an everlasting connection. Even if you have encountered many people who make you question why the connection is of any importance, do not let this confusion distract your desire for finding the meaning behind it all and the ways in which it can assist you.

This fear can be shattered once you acknowledge the POWER that comes from engaging within the depths of others, and allowing them to witness all of the wonderful qualities you carry.

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The Making Of A Rumor

What breathes life into a rumor: jealousy, maliciousness, boredom, or a combination of these?

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Within the past three months of this Spring semester of my sophomore year at college, there have been numerous rumors about me circulating around the student body. This piece isn't to address and dismiss the rumors, since, quite frankly, the people who started and passed along these false stories are bored people who aren't worthy of my energy. Rather, I wish to dissect the making and spreading of nasty gossip, which may have a significant impact on those being slandered.

It's human nature to gossip; it's hard to find somebody, especially in a social environment such as college, who has never talked about somebody. However, speaking amongst your close friends (and family members) who are known to be trustworthy is completely different than talking about somebody in a negative, slanderous way to anyone who happens to have ears, especially if you don't know them well.

A girl is at a party with her friends. When she grows tired, she tries to find someone else who wants to leave the party to accompany her on the dangerous trek back to campus since her friends don't want to leave yet. She's seen leaving with one of her guy friends. As the two of them make their way back to their dorms, numerous people spot the two of them walking back to campus together. It's something as simple as this that can spark gossip.

A huge aspect of rumors, and probably the most painful part about them, is their lack of validity. People can't just assume that two people walking back to their dorm together means that they're hooking up. Especially when one of them is in a relationship, it's disgusting for a rumor to be made about them "cheating on her boyfriend". It's alarming that some people feel that they have the right to try staining people's reputations and relationships. The fact that rumors can spread to other countries in such a short period of time is scary, too.

The past few months have made me wonder, what is at the heart of these rumors? It's shocking to see that jealous people feel the need to try and bring down another person to make them feel better about themselves. It's just as sad and, honestly, pretty pathetic that some people are so bored with their lives that they have to rely on fake stories about other people to feel relevant. Furthermore, who does the rumor really revolve around? Of course, the person involved in the story is going to be seen in a negative light. Yet, I believe that rumors actually revolve around the people who listen to them and repeat it, spreading the invalidity and making the rumor grow.

To give a real example, I'll explain the most harmless of the recent rumors about me. I was walking down a hallway as I was speaking to my mother on my phone. I joked with her, "Listen: if they slap me, I sue them". It was such a truly insignificant conversation that I can't even remember who or what I was referring to. Yet, hours later, my friend texted me that a guy who heard me wrote about it in a group chat he has with his boys: "Teylor Veliotis was talking about suing somebody because they slapped her". My friend then heard about this infamous catfight because she knows one of the guys in that group chat.

This is how such stupid, nonsensical rumors start: the telephone game mixed with a lack of privacy. First of all, whether I'm speaking on the phone in the middle of a crowded room or in my dorm room all by myself, it's rude to listen in on a private conversation. What makes matters even worse is to repeat private information to other people. The skewing of private information takes the rumor from bad to worse. The more and more people hear and repeat the story, the more likely it'll turn into something different altogether--it's essentially the elementary school telephone game on steroids.

This is a cautionary tale--not about how an innocent act can be turned into a dirty exploit, but rather about how it degrades the person inventing and spreading the stories. If you create and repeat filthy gossip, this is what you put out into the world. You can do better than that. For some people, malicious slander can snowball and truly devastate someone. I'm blessed that my close friends and people who really matter in my life really know my true character, so I choose not to let gossip tear me down. As we are constantly reminded, life is so precious, so why would you spend your breath and energy on spreading lies and ugliness?

P.S. If you're feeling offended by this article, maybe you're one of those people spreading negativity. Just a thought.

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Part 1: Necessary Changes

One of my favorite movies is "Fried Green Tomatoes" with Kathy Bates. In the movie Bates' character Evelyn Couch says, "Someone helped put a mirror up in front of my face, and I didn't like what I saw one bit. And you know what I did? I changed." I know the feeling.

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I looked in the mirror over the weekend and didn't like what I saw.

The person I saw looking back at me is petty, selfish, manipulative, and unattractive. It wasn't that I hated what I saw, but I definitely didn't like what I saw either. It's a surreal feeling, looking at yourself through a critical lens, and it doesn't make you feel good in any way shape or form.

The image that I see of myself is not how I want others to perceive me. I want to be someone that people look at and see kindness, compassion, strength, and confidence.

I have enough general life experience to know that these types of changes aren't going to happen overnight, and not all of them will be physical; most of these will have to happen from the inside, from within myself.

When you find out you are all broken and damaged, it's hard to know where to start putting the pieces back together. I figured the best place to start would be the most literal: my actual insides; so, I decided to embark on a deep-cleansing journey to get all of the toxins out of my body, from the inside out.

I found this book on 10-day green smoothie detox stashed away in the dark corner of my bookshelf. The science behind it seems accurate and legitimate. By eliminating certain foods, your body is able to detox itself off of chemicals and foods that are slowing down your metabolism; the smoothies are specifically designed with combinations of foods that help restart your metabolism. Part of the detox process is getting rid of all dependencies on caffeine, alcohol, and sugar.

Every day you are given the recipe for a specific smoothie; you make the smoothie (about 40 ounces) and sip on it throughout the day whenever you get hungry. Every smoothie is a combination of leafy greens, water, fruit, and flax seeds. If you do happen to get hungry throughout the day, you are encouraged to eat raw nuts, hard boiled eggs, and a wide variety of crunchy green vegetables. There is also a detox tea that you have first thing in the morning, but other than that no other beverages are allowed except water.

I know that this is only the beginning of a very long, emotional, and draining journey. But I think I'm at the point in my life where I have to make these changes. I have to put my pieces together, I have to become a normal functioning adult, I have to find out who I am. I think that this is the perfect way to start.

For the next 10 days I am going to be documenting my experiences, how I'm feeling, what my emotions are doing, and any results that I see.

Stay tuned!

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