Have you ever heard of the principle that many couples use that women need love and men need respect? To me, this idea has always seemed clear to me as a principle of life. I watched my grandmother, my mother, and many other women in my life submit to their relationships through this ideology. The relationships surrounding me seemed to "work" because the women always respected her husband and in return she had a hardworking, loving man and father to her children. However, it wasn’t until I was a senior in high school that I began to believe it was the key to a healthy relationship.
Throughout high school, I had dated a guy on and off, and my full focus was on him and our relationship. I continuously felt as if I was the reason behind all of the breakups or intense disagreements. As I continuously attempted to make things right I thought more about respect, love, and forgiveness. I began to truly believe that the reason behind my hot and cold relationship was simply because I was not showing my boyfriend the amount of respect he needed, so in return, I was not receiving the type of love I craved.
Stemming from my strong belief in this ideology I submitted myself and my best friend to an unhealthy relationship. I refused to give up on the relationship at this time because in the end, it felt as if I was not good enough as a women if I ended things entirely. So, I fought each day to show him respect, not to display my emotions if I was upset, not upset him, and work to make him happy each day. Reflecting back it is clear that this ideology is filled with error, and disrespect on both ends.
In order to grow together, we both needed to respect and love one another through Christ. Through what seems like common sense and personal experiences, it is clear that this principle submits men to every ounce of power in the relationship, while making the women feel as if she should feel lucky to be so “in love” and “loved.” Through this principle women continuously find themselves at fault in aspects of their relationship. Because if she is not respecting him and doing things accordingly, how is he to love her properly?
Men do not need one-way respect in order to prosper in a relationship, women do not need one-way love in order to prosper. Using this ideology of “men need respect and women need love” is a power play. It pushes women to believe that they are not doing enough or respecting their man, which is why they are not given love. In reality, this idea builds issues with the relationship. Women don't understand why they are not doing enough or why they always have submit themselves in order to gain their companions love.
If we are Christians but we aren’t striving to love as Christ did, then how can we define ourselves as Christ-like? Not only did Christ break patriarchy in his era but he showed his followers how to love. Individuals should want to treat one another with equality and individual freedoms within the realms of a relationship. Both sexes deserve the upmost love and respect from their partners, because without that true happiness and Christ reflecting love will be absent in relationships.
