In my Anatomy and Physiology class this past week, my professor touched on the topic of cancer.
My first initial reaction? What a buzzkill.
My second initial reaction? Really pay attention - there's gonna be a lot of terms on the test.
My third initial reac -
Oh, that's right. That's why I really don't enjoy the topic. Sometimes, I almost forget that it affected me personally in the first place.
I actually don't think I hate anyone, but I do hate something. And that's you.
I guess I'll discuss you once again. I guess I'm letting you get the best of me yet again. I guess you're right and I'm wrong... Blah, blah, blah.
But, I'm going to cut to the chase. It's time to take a stand and realize one thing: I was right about you all along.
Cancer, you simply killed all hope.
He wasn't there to watch me get Blue's Clue's cake all over my face on my fourth birthday.
Because of you, he wasn't able to give "the mean eye" to the boy who took me to sophomore year homecoming and tell me how beautiful I looked with my hair up.
Do you also realize he couldn't make it to see me on my last day of high school and my first day of college?
And he won't be there to see all of my hard work pay off as a diploma is placed in my hands.
Remember that.
He will never be able to take his two sons to Indians games.
He will never be able to teach his daughter that the only man she needs right now in her life is him.
He will never get to kiss his wife after work and give her the daily support and love she needs.
He won't EVER -
Ok, I'm getting heated up. I need to calm down and handle this like a mature adult, since I am at that age. I can handle this maturely. I certainly haven't lost all sense of control.
I do forgive you, even though I don't think we will ever be on relatively ok terms. Things are meant to happen for a reason, right? God just wants to keep him in His arms because he did all of his duties here while they lasted. He's proud of him. He's His eternal angel.
He didn't need this place, and I guess you did remind him of that. But, why? Why? I will never know.
But you know what? That's ok, because I don't have to know everything in this life. I like mystery, but I just wish that this time it wasn't such a sinister one.
You gave me years of paranoia, wondering someday if you would kill me too.
You laughed while I would cry.
That's not even the worst part: I have absolutely no recollection of his voice. His eyes. His embrace.
Cancer, you simply left me fatherless.
You know that I could go on and on, but I'm gonna end it all right here. Time is precious and needs to be focused on other things.
All in all, I do hope that one day, they'll kill you.
Until then, you'll continue to kill.
And I'll continue to die inside.
