Ours was a relationship full of ups and downs and highs and lows, but one I was certain would last forever. I thought we would continue the immature cycle of fighting and making up, however, knowing that at the end of the day we always had each other to run back to. I guess I figured that one day we would reach a level of maturity that our friendship would become more stable, but this was not to be.
I was once told that the truest love is described when you can replace the word “love” with your partner or friend’s name in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. When I think back to our relationship, though, I realize that you were never patient, nor were you usually kind. You often envied, as did you boast. You were very often proud and dishonored me quite frequently. You were so easily angered. You, like a historian, kept a record of wrongs, but only mine. Recognizing this truth gives way to another, crucial fact: that you do not, nor have you ever, loved me correctly.
Our relationship was so unbelievably painful. I spent more time stressing about how to keep you happy than I spent worrying about how to meet my own needs. You required so much on my end of the relationship, and if I ever failed to meet your expectations, it was held against me. On the other hand, so little was ever given in return for all that I gave. It was a parasitic relationship in which I gave everything I had and received little to nothing in return. When I failed to give every ounce of what I had to offer, I was punished.
The worst part of it all is that you have absolutely no accountability for the things you have done. You own none of it and you never will. I simply have to forgive you for all of the things I have never and never will receive an apology for. You are unable to take responsibility for any of your actions, not only because you are unwilling, but also because you are totally and completely unaware of the fact that you destroyed me.
Despite all of the anger and the resentment I carry for you as of this moment, I sincerely hope you pull your life together. I hope with all my heart that you are able to figure out where you want to be and what you want to do. I hope you find everything you want in life and I hope you can one day find joy and contentment. You will have to find your way without me, but I will be praying for you from afar.
It was truly an amazing ride. As Taylor Swift said it, “I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you.” However, our time together has come to an end, and I will look upon our good memories fondly, and do my best to stop allowing our bad ones to haunt me.
