The Dumb Questions People Ask Me About My Puerto Rican Heritage

The following questions are real questions that people have asked me, my mother, my brother, and my sister. I wish they weren't real.

1. "If you're Puerto Rican, then why are you not tan?"

People have no idea how many times I get this question and the amount of people that tell me that I'm wrong because I'm not tan.

Not every Puerto Rican is tan. In fact, we're super colorful because the Spanish, Taino Indians, and Africans were "doing it" back in the day with each other. We're like an Urban Decay Naked palette.

2. "Do you have a green card?"

I don't need one. Every Puerto Rican is born a citizen of the United States. We don't need a passport to come over either.

3. "Are you a citizen?"

Look at answer #2.

4. "You love spicy food, right?"

I can't stand spicy food. Fact: Wendy's spicy chicken nuggets make me cry.

5. "Have you played in a Mariachi band?"

Yeah, I know they have violins sometimes and I play violin, but no.

6. "You're a Lopez! Are you related to George Lopez?"

No. I actually have a lot of fun with this question. Have you ever heard of Jenny from the block? JLo? Yeah, she's a Lopez too and she's Puerto Rican. Sometimes I tell people we're cousins.

7. "Did you live in a hut?"

I had a house and I had an apartment while living there.

8. "Do you have McDonald's?"

Yes! We have a lot of the same restaurants that the United States has! Ridiculous story: I was still living in Puerto Rico when Krispy Kreme opened. It was a HUGE deal. People would stand in long lines for hours just to get donuts. But yes, we have McDonald's.

9. "How do you get to Puerto Rico?"

Let me explain this one. Some people think you can drive to Puerto Rico. Yes, drive.

I hope their cars work in the water or that whoever wants to drive to Puerto Rico loves to swim.

10. "Do you speak Mexican?" followed by "So you speak Puerto Rican?"

Have you ever heard of Spanish?

11. "Do you listen to Spanish music at home?"

You know what? I usually don't, but sometimes I need to listen to Spanish music to get away from anything English.

12. "How come you speak English really well?"

I know my friends will make fun of me for this one because I have an accent that comes out very strong sometimes, but most of my close family and other Puerto Ricans I've met speak English really well. You can thank Puerto Rico for making us take English classes from preschool through graduation.

13. "So you guys are like Mexicans? Same thing, right?"

I think Puerto Ricans are more like every other person that comes from another island in the Caribbean (Dominican Republic and Cuba). So, no. We're not all the same.

14. "So you're from New York?"

I have never lived in New York, but my sister has and she told me that people assume she's from New York when she says she's Puerto Rican, but she only started living there when she started school at NYU.

15. "Do you guys do voodoo?"

I don't know what to say to this, to be honest.

That's it, folks. I hope you knew the answers to these questions. If you didn't, then I hope you learned a little bit about my people. Also, please stop asking me why I'm pale and Puerto Rican. Por favor.

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