Michael J. Fox once said, “Family is not an important thing, it’s everything.”
I would agree; would you? Over the past couple of years, I have watched families all around me go through drastic changes. I noticed perfect-looking families on the outside being destroyed behind closed doors. I saw men and women who stood at the altar and exchanged vows stating, “for better or for worse,” run when things got tough. I witnessed children and teenagers trying to cope with the idea that their family was falling apart. However, through all of this I noticed one thing: every family has its set of issues, its imperfections, but at the end of the day, family is who you choose to be with, and family is forever.
I have had the absolute privilege of spending the entire summer with my family in a place in which I know nobody else and let me tell you, you would be surprised at how much you learn during this time. The first lesson I learned was don’t get too comfortable. I mean this in a completely different way than what you probably think. Until about a year ago, I was way too comfortable in my familial situation. For some reason, because my family was also my stability, I thought they’d always be around. It was like I had forgotten they won’t live forever. When I lost my uncle in September, that changed. Ever since then I have adapted this notion of discomfort; they only have a limited time on Earth, and if I don’t make an effort to be as present as possible in each of their lives, I will have a lifetime of regrets.
The biggest lesson I have ever learned about family is this: No family is perfect. There were several times I would walk into a friend’s house and swear up and down she had a perfect life and family… until I found out her dad was an alcoholic or her parents hadn't slept in the same bed for years or her brother was shipped off to boarding school after being arrested. Families are complicated, and they always will be, but through them you have the simplest thing, a connection that cannot be undone.
Defining family is different for everyone. What do you do after there’s a divorce? Are the people who aren’t blood still a part of the family? What about step-parents and siblings? Adoption? Family is what you make it. There are people who preach how important family is and there are people who speak opposing that statement.
If you look up the definition of family, you get several results -
A group consisting of parents and children living together in a household
A person, or people, related to one and so to be treated with a special loyalty or intimacy.
So, what is family to you? Is it the people related to you by blood and marriage? Or is it those people you have a deep connection with? Is it the friend you’ve known your whole life and treat like a sister or is it the parent you haven’t seen in years, but are still connected to by DNA?
Regardless of your definition, take pride in those people you give such a meaningful title. Speak joyfully of the people you have ties to and try your best to live without regrets. Pick up the phone and call Grandma and Grandpa. Send Mom a text in the middle of the day to tell her you love her. Call Dad just to hear his voice. Make dinner plans with your uncle, stop by to say hello to your aunt. Treat your cousins like siblings and try your hardest to hold onto every moment with all of them.
Family is forever… in your heart. But here on Earth, our time is limited, so enjoy their presence while you can and be accepting of the idea that no family is perfect, but they’re still yours.
