Falling In Love With Myself

This isn't something I am very vocal about, but in the spirit of Valentine's Day, I figured what other time would be better to talk about it than now.

As I near the end of my teenage years (I'm turning 20 in a few weeks), I find that I have yet to fall in love. In high school, as well as in college, my friends all had boyfriends or guys they were at least interested in, and the feeling was mutual. I would watch "Say Yes To The Dress" and would feel awful about myself because I genuinely could not see someone wanting to marry me. When we all graduated high school and moved to different states, all of my friends told me that I would find "the one" in college. Well, I'm in my second semester of my sophomore year in college, and I am still the utter definition of single.

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me, if I'm leaving my teenage years and I am still single. Granted, I was always the most introverted out of my friend group in high school. I feel that part of the reason is because I am an only child. I am content being by myself and have no problem having a night in. I've always struggled with self-confidence, so going out in large groups of people makes my anxiety go through the roof. At 5'1'', I've always felt that I don't look my age whatsoever and have always had this constant worry that I'll be alone forever because of it. I'm also not very good at expressing my feelings and tend to bottle up my emotions. But that isn't the point of me writing this.

I don't know why I had always had this mentality that I would finally find someone who actually showed interest in me in college that I would share the same feelings for. In the past few weeks, I've realized I need to focus on myself and not worry about the future. I know it's easier said than done, but it's a mentality I'm striving to achieve. It still upsets me that I don't look my age while I'm surrounded by very pretty girls on campus, but there isn't much I can do about it. All I need to do is focus on is my friends, my health and my grades instead of worrying about finding a significant other. I don't need to have a man to make my life whole, it already is.

That being said, I'm also trying to focus on saying "yes" more. As I said before, I get anxious in large groups of people I hardly know, but I'm learning that life is only so short, and I need to overcome my fears. I think something as simple as saying "yes" to more plans will overall make me a happier person and get me out of my shell more. And who knows? Maybe my friends were right about finding "the one" in college. All I need to do is not let self doubt consume me and let fate happen.