I once was told, "To be with him honey you're going to have to be strong." Now in that moment I was head over heels for a guy, ready to drop everything and do anything for him. Hell, I even left my family in the dust for his. Because I loved him that much, but I was blinded. So in the back of my head all I could think was, yea I am strong enough.

Something wasn't right in the situation. I found myself leaving my friends for his, changing my ideas to coexist to his, and re-thinking my dreams so they would fit into his life. I found myself letting him talk down to me, about how I could be better, and how I needed to change. Once again, something was wrong there. Because all I could think about was being "strong enough" to be with him, and making sure he knew that I was there for him. My solution? Lets change together, lets make better decisions together. We both have flaws, we both could be better, so why do I just have to change?

If you have not found a pattern it was all about him, he wants to do this, he wants to do that, he wants this. But when it was about me, or my family, he usually didn't want to be involved, or it was like pulling teeth to try and get our schedules to workout. Don't get me wrong, I love this kid. We have been friends forever, but it wasn't enough. We aren't the kids we were back in high school, we both went through major events in our life that changed us both in different ways. And everybody copes with it differently.

But it is how you cope with those events in your life that make you or will eventually break you. I lost my brother, and what is worse is he is still alive. But he has distanced himself so far from our family things will never be the same. I let it break me, I let it take over my life. Lesson learned, why let somebody else's actions effect you, you can't do anything about it. But you can be there for them as much as they will let you. So that's what I do. He wont let me in his life, so I pray.

Now don't get me wrong, I am far from perfect. But I gave everything to that man. I changed my lifestyle, I left my friends in the dust, even my own family. He gave a lot too, moved up here to be with me. We started a life together, we were so in love we wanted to run away and go get married. And to think now, where would we be if we did? Would it have been better? Or worse? The hardest part for me right now is I am to blame some how. Did I not work hard enough? Do well enough in school? Was I not supportive even though I tried? It's hard to let go when you have no closure. All in all, I just wanted him to come home. I just wanted us to live a life of happiness.

Once I was able to take the blind fold off, and see how unhappy I truly was. It was time to walk away, it was time to pursue what I wanted in life. Yes, I enjoy a lot of things we did together and I will continue that. But I will not keep thinking in the back of my head, "you're strong enough, but are you good enough?"

Alcohol is a huge factor in this, some people can grow out of it. But some can't, its unfortunate to see somebody you love and care about look to something that RUINS and pushes somebody away. I didn't grow up with parents who drank all the time, I went through my drinking and going out phase pretty fast. It takes others longer to grow out of it, and sometimes they never do. But it takes a special kind of person to 1. deal with it or 2. help them come out of it. I am not that person, I will be there every step of the way, but the minute you show me you don't want help anymore or are not willing to change, I'm not going to waste my time. You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped.

Don't do that to yourself, you're good enough, you're strong enough. Life is hard, life isn't fair, but I bet you will get through it and in the end you will be stronger than you were before you started. Don't let anybody control you, make the decision for yourself, live your life for yourself. Make sure you're happy before trying to help somebody else be happy. Love yourself before you love somebody else.

Live and learn, if you fall down make sure when you stand up, you're stronger than you have ever been.

Peace, Love and Happiness.