It is often said that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I was young when I lost my father, and to be honest, I do not remember much. I remember he and my mother being friendly toward one another sharing the custody of a young toddler. I remember having two houses to have fun at, and two parents who loved me with every fiber of their being. I remember visiting my father in the hospital and seeing him for the last time, but not knowing exactly that in those moments he was dying of cancer. I remember accepting that he was gone but perhaps I accepted it because I did not understand the concept of death or dying, and this goodbye we previously shared was permanent. From that moment until last summer my mother raised me, playing both mother and father she always found a way to make being a mother easy.
“The Best Of My Love” by The Emotions was the song my mother dedicated to me and sang to me every chance she got. My mother was literally my hero, and she was in good health until all of the sudden, her lung collapsed. It later turned out to be stage IV lung cancer. Knowing that she was diagnosed extremely late and knowing the things I know about medicine, I knew immediately that my mother would be treated but never cured, and that even with treatment, realistically speaking, the chances that she would live longer than a few years let alone months were slim to none. I lost my mother last summer. Losing one parent is hard, but two is unbearable.
My goal in life is to take every negative situation and find some positive aspect about it and the loss of my parents was no different. Losing my parents gave me a sense of self sufficiency, I had to realize to do things on my own and if there was not a way to do it— I had to make one. I learned that when I am having a rough day and need someone to talk to or vent to, having my parents there in spirit means just as much as having them here physically. I learned that even though my mom is no longer with me, she still finds ways to get in my head and tell me when I am wrong— it is inevitable, I swear it feels like she hasn’t gone anywhere. The loss of my parents has showed me that life is short, too short, which is why I spend each day trying to live for someone beside myself.
Of course it stinks. Unlike other students, I will not have any parents at my college graduation. My father will never get the chance to walk me down the aisle. My mother will never get to ask my future boyfriend what his intentions with me are. My future children will never have any maternal grandparents. The heartache goes on and on when I realize how upsetting this is and will be for me on my wedding day and when I have children.
I am human, so, yes, I grieve. I cry, I wonder why? I pout, and I envy people who have even one parent. It angers me when I see the words “hate” and “parents” in the same sentence, I could not fathom ever feeling that way. I share this story, my experience, not to ask for pity, if that is what you think I need— you’re wrong. It actually frustrates me when I get the puppy dog eyes after sharing my story about the loss of my parents. Why would you feel sorry for a girl who does not use this as an excuse to not succeed? If anything, this situation motivates me more to appreciate life and study medicine. All too often, I find myself reminiscing about happier moments in my life, but the truth is, today in this moment I have more strength than ever. I now know from this experience that life could always be worse, and maybe for a while it was the worse by my definition, but I refuse to be a sour puss because of my situation.
I am sure anyone who ever lost anyone, even if it was not a parent, can relate to feeling grief and feeling like the mourning process is never ending. It is important to not ignore what has happening but rather to focus on how you can overcome this situation and how you were created to endure so much more. Even what seems to be the worst of situations is not truly the worst. If I can get through a tragedy like this, I have faith that you all can as well. Remember "it could always be worse," I tell myself every time something occurs that seems to be the end of the world-- or at least my version of it. So relax, take one day at a time, and remember that yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.
