Most high school students graduate with the excitement and eagerness to enter college. They have followed their heart to a school where they felt that notorious "spark" on campus. They await all summer to move in and begin the best chapter of their lives. Me, however, my story was quite different. I dreaded every tour my mom dragged me on, I submitted all the applications and essays with tears. On decision day, I honestly chose Fairleigh Dickinson because it was the most logical school when it came to distance and money. I never had a calling or a spark, I never had that feeling of home or belonging before coming to school. I cried the nights leading into move-in day. Not one part of me wanted to leave my safe little bubble I worked so hard building. My heart was in my stomach the whole drive to school and I was holding back buckets full of tears. Little did I know I was driving into a very bright future.
Faireigh Dickinson didn't steal my heart in the first week, or even the first month. As cliche as it sounds, I fell in love with school slowly, then all at once without even knowing. Suddenly, I found myself loving college as a whole. Loving the long walks in the snow up the horse steps, loving going out on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights just because. Loving the speed bumps even though they messed up my tires, loving taco Tuesday at the cafe. Loving the way the light shines through the Monn and the crazy squirrels. I found myself loving all the little things about 285 Madison Ave.
So now that I am leaving for Wroxton College in England for three months. I had to visit my beloved college before leaving it behind for a semester. My visit was filled with all sorts of mixed emotions. Just being on campus at the start of a new year was awesome. The vibe everyone has, so excited and refreshed for a new year filled with new memories and challenges. I was also so jealous to see everyone all moved in. Everyone's room was so clean and fresh, awaiting a long year of exhausted nights, late night munchies and chaotic weekends. Part of me wished that I was already settled into a new room and beginning classes, starting to get into the swing of my new routine and pick up where we left off in May.
Seeing my friends was very difficult. It was hard to relax and enjoy the time with them knowing that I wouldn't be seeing them until December. Seeing friends I haven't seen since May was so great. In one welcoming hug it was a rush back of memories and good times as if no time had even passed. It's hard to think I just became friends with these people two years ago, but it feels like we've been friends for a lifetime. I am always reminded of how lucky I am to have found family at school. We sat and caught up for hours, talking and reminiscing, talking around the fact that I am leaving for three months.
Seeing my sisters was even harder. Knowing that I will be missing out on recruitment, meetings, fundraisers and philanthropies breaks my heart. There is nothing I love more than being with my sisters and representing Theta Phi Alpha. This sisterhood was more than I ever thought it would be. It gave me everything I didn't know I was looking for. Without my sisters, my love for FDU would dwindle. They have made my home more homey. Although it pains me to leave them, I know they will still work hard and honestly, they will challenge themselves and conquer every obstacle that comes their way, but most of all I know they will thrive as a chapter in the short time I will be gone.
The goodbyes were awful, as one could imagine. Tight hugs and locked gazed, so many words unsaid because the tears would pour out. I felt the lump in my throat every time I had to let go of a long hug. What I didn't expect were the gifts. My Big and Little both got me notebooks to write my memories and experiences down in. This means the world to me because when I can write in them, it's like I'm writing directly to them; like they are on the other side of the page. I also received a beautiful silver frame. In it, was a snapshot of one of my favorite moments. My sisters and I wearing our letters proud and doing what we do best, fake laughing for pictures.
I know that the people I love will do just fine without me there, I just wish I could be there to cheer them all on. Along with leaving my friends, I am leaving behind a campus I fell in love with. I am leaving behind the leaves turning into oranges and yellows then falling into piles on the grass. I will be leaving the buffalo chicken wraps and cranberry apple salads from Leafs. I'll be missing sitting in the cafe for hours wasting time. But most of all, I'll miss feeling so comfortable around my campus, never feeling scared besides when passing the mansion trying not to see the Vanderbilt son's ghost. I'll miss going to class at any time of day and being able to smile at most of the people walking by.
As always, I cannot thank the people around me enough for shaping me into who I am. To Fairleigh Dickinson as a whole, from the professors, cafe workers, peers, friends, and sisters; the trees, the Mansion, the horse steps and my old dorms, thank you for the memories, thank you for being everything I didn't know I needed in a home away from home.
