Fear is something that plagues all of us at one point or another. Coming from a person who struggles with anxiety, fear can be your ultimate enemy and demise in whatever you set out to do. The part that makes anxiety so hard and frustrating, at least for me, is the irrational fears that are put into my head. Fears flood into your head out of nowhere that cause you to over think about things or events far in the future that don't matter at the moment. These fears also create the 'what ifs' which are the scenarios put into your head that might not even happen and probably won't happen. This creates the unpleasant feeling of anxiety, the feeling of worry that results from these fears and how you'll be able to handle them when the time comes. When these fears and worries hit you, you might beat yourself up by asking yourself why you feel the way you do and wonder why your brain doesn't work like everyone else's. That's when you choose to either face your fears head on, or fight them.

Everyone experiences anxiety in their own way. Most of my anxiety happens to come out in my relationships. Anxiety has made my past relationships very difficult. It caused me to do a lot of over thinking which resulted in me beating myself up by asking why I couldn't stop thinking and constantly wondering what was wrong with me. It made me frustrated because I couldn't figure out why I had this horrible feeling. It controlled me and my mind in the relationship which is why it had to end at some point. I needed to take the time to love myself before I could ever attempt to love another person.

I took a lot of time to find myself in college. One of my fears was getting into another relationship, but I couldn't let that scare me forever. Eventually, I did give it another shot because I thought that I had beaten all of my fears. Unfortunately, I was wrong and jumped to conclusions too quickly. When the demons from my past came out of nowhere, I panicked. I panicked because I thought I had beaten all of my fears during the time I took to focus on myself so I did exactly what I was used to in response to the panicking, I beat myself up. I was so frustrated and angry that I still had these demons that I thought I had conquered. I was not ready for it and could not handle it because I refused to believe that I still had struggles.

I felt like I had failed again when it seemed that I ruined the first chance I gave myself at dating again. I saw my therapist in hope of getting some type of answers and closure. She told me that our fears and demons tend to come out when we least expect them, and that they may come up a couple of times before we finally beat them. That's when it hit me that I needed to accept myself. I needed to accept that I have come far, but still have work to do. I realized that by accepting myself I was facing my fears rather than fighting them through constant self loathing.

I was fortunate enough to be given another chance. I was now aware that I still had my struggles, so I decided to take that chance and accept myself by working through my anxiety rather than beating myself up when my demons came out. Facing my fears rather than fighting them has made all the difference because I finally believe in myself. I've accepted that I have anxiety so whenever my fears are knocking on the door, I don't answer. Sometimes I hit bumps in the road, as we all will, but that doesn't mean we're going back. Facing my fears means that anxiety will no longer control me in my relationships.

A wise Jedi once said "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering." The impact that Star Wars has had on my life will have to wait for another time but this quote is too spot on to leave out. Fear will always be with us, but it's a matter of what we do with it. If we fight it and let it control us, then it will cause us to become angry with our flaws, making us hate ourselves to the point of suffering on the inside. Fighting versus facing your fears may not make sense now, but in time you'll be able to tell the difference and when you do notice that difference, look your demons right in the face and accept them and yourself.