As I was scrolling through my Facebook timeline the other day, searching for new memes to tag my friends in, looking through albums upon albums of pictures people have just uploaded, and going through the usual stalking spree I have once in a blue moon, I came upon a post with a series of pictures that respectively stated “relax, you will graduate,” “you will get a job,” “you will find love,” and then the pictures went on to say “you have an entire life. Things take time,” “just enjoy where you are now.”
This series of pictures really struck me because, as a freshman in college who feels like, at times, her entire life is crumbling, she doesn’t have her priorities in check, and life is just moving too incredibly fast, I then realized I’m not the only college student who feels this way. There are times, such as this exact moment I write this article, where I look back just a mere 6 weeks ago, and think “how did time go by so quickly?” It feels as if I was just returning back to school from December break and now, I am on a Red Coach Bus heading home for my first spring break as a college student. I really don’t know where all the time went; and, because of that, I’m scared. Actually… I’m terrified.
Correction: I was terrified. Sitting on a bus for six hours really allows you to just think. But, the more I silently thought to myself, the more I started panicking. It seems so incredibly surreal to me that I am almost done with my first year of college. It seems so incredibly surreal to me that I have yet to accomplish everything I have wanted to this year. I just didn’t think time would go by as quickly as it did. So, as my panic set in, I decided to opened Facebook.
The first post to pop up when I refreshed my screen was the post from “Humanity” with the pictures that I stated before. I slowly scrolled through each one, examining the words, relating to each and every one, until a tear eventually fell from my eye and landed on my phone screen. It wasn’t just me who was feeling this way. I now knew I wasn’t alone in my panic. I was so incredibly relieved. My panic had subsided and I was finally able to breathe.
The truth is, while it is so scary that I am almost done with my first year of college, that doesn’t mean I don’t have an entire lifetime to accomplish everything I want for my life and more. I am constantly the first person to beat myself up over the smallest of mistakes. If something doesn’t go my way, I am so hard on myself. My dad always tells me that you have to experience more failures in life before you can even think of attaining your first success.
And, while I have always believed this to be true, it’s truly the worst feeling in the world to have a definitive plan for yourself just to watch it crumble before you. There are certain clubs I have wanted to be a part of since I have become a student at UF. I have applied to numerous ones, putting myself out there, learning how to properly go through an interview process which I was so incredibly blind to, just to be faced with disappointment after disappointment.
After my last and final disappointment, I decided I needed a break. But the longer I sat and wallowed for myself, I got antsy. I am not the type of person to sit back when I know there are opportunities out there for me. I soon became scared, angry, and perpetually sad. Why was my life moving so slow? Why weren’t opportunities being handed to me like they were to my peers? And the list went on. My complaints went on.
My sadness loomed over me to this very day. It came at full force, it stayed for quite some time, and then it passed, all because of this post. It was almost like a saving grace. It was some external force telling me that while I am allowed to stress, while it is normal to be scared and worry about my future and about success, things eventually fall into place for us all.
I believe that timing is everything. If it wasn’t for this exact post popping up at that exact moment, I would’ve been facing, experiencing, and internalizing the greatest deal of stress for the entirety of my spring break. Now I know that it just is not worth it to stress out over the little things when I have a lifetime ahead of me to figure myself out, what I want to do, and who I want to be.
By no means do I have to figure all of this out overnight. I am only 19. I am still a teenager. While I am young and while some will say I am still a child, I am still incredibly determined. While I experience low points in my life quite often, I also experience the highest of highs. I know that life will not always go the way I plan for it to go, I know I will face rejection and I know I will experience multiple failures, but I also know that with all of these rejections and failures will come acceptances and successes. It might take a while, and maybe my course of life is on a slower track, but I know that if I keep my head up high, stop wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, and become more determined and focused then I have ever been, I will be guided in the right direction.
But, in the meantime, I’m going to try and enjoy my spring break as much as I can, without a worry in the world.
