For the last few months, the #metoo movement has been an incredibly relevant topic of conversation.
But with this conversation, there is always the question that comes after someone comes forward with an allegation of sexual harassment: was your experience really thatbad?

And I understand.

People are often harassed by someone they know personally. By friends, coworkers, even family. And if they were assaulted by someone with a fair amount of power or popularity, there are always people who don't want to believe the victim, especially if their experience is not deemed to be "that bad." I'm talking about things that people could easily make excuses for, the unwanted advances that stop short of sexual assault or rape, which is a weird and damaging qualifier that determines whether a sexual harasser deserves to be chastised for their actions.

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But that then begs the question, what is "thatbad?"

I, along with several women in my social circle, have had experiences that were deemed "not thatbad" for a number of reasons.

There was my friend's ex-boyfriend, who would still harass her online, sending her inappropriate images when he got drunk. When she talked about it with her male friends, she was told she was overreacting. That her ex-boyfriend was just going through a hard time. They could find any number of excuses to be able to keep the man who harassed her as a friend.

There was an old co-worker of mine, a man nearly twice my age. He offered me a ride. When he dropped me off back at my car, it was pretty late. We were alone. When I tried to leave, he pulled me in for a hug and held on to me tightly. He refused to let go when I asked. His head buried in my chest. I told him I wanted to leave. I had my keys in hand and managed to unlock, open the door and start my car before I finally managed to get him off of me. When I told other coworkers about this, some told me I might be overreacting. One told me to keep it to myself as to not start drama.

And those are only a few examples. I have countless stories from so many different women of the men who have made them feel unsafe. And for every one of those stories, there's always someone asking if it was thatbad. So what exactly is "thatbad?"

The guy who asks us he could watch me and another woman make out, then gets defensive and aggressive when we say no. Is he thatbad?

The guys who try to follow us around campus, waiting for us outside classrooms and learning what buildings we hang out in. Are they thatbad?

What about the guys who send us unsolicited nude pictures at 2 a.m., then text us in the morning to say how hungover they are?How bad are they?

For me and my friends, we've been told that these experiences shouldn't feel especially traumatic. That each one is really nothing more than a nuisance. And that's exactly the problem.

Stop asking if it was really "thatbad." Asking that question makes it so teenage girls feel like they can't report a creepy co-worker or that a young women can't trust the people they once called their friends. Ask why this has become normalized to the point that we can so easily excuse it.