February 22, 2016, marked the first day I realized that I can’t be controlled by untreated anxiety. I had been dealing with anxiety since about 7th grade (around the age of 12), and I had always found ways to cope with it, either by praying, taking deep breaths or even just talking to someone close to me. I have had a few anxiety attacks (mainly when trying to control a situation or driving) and I was never able to control those.

That day I woke up–like many other days previously–with the overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I couldn’t take a deep breath, and I felt like I could hardly breathe at all. I went about my day and I was really struggling. I drove four hours from Tyler to Georgetown, and felt like I couldn’t breathe the entire time. Finally, I got to Georgetown and went to my doctor's appointment. Before the appointment, I met my friend at Starbucks and I was snapping at everything. I knew I was irritating to be around, but I honestly felt like I couldn’t do anything about it.

I went to my appointment and I was even rude to the lady who checked me in (I’m sorry for my attitude). If you know me, I really don’t like to be rude to people who are just doing their jobs. There was a problem with my insurance but no need for my reaction. I spoke with my doctor about stomach issues and dizziness, but anxiety wasn’t even on my agenda to speak with him about. It wasn’t until after my appointment, when I got an early dinner with my stepmom and brother, that I acknowledged the issue.

We finished eating dinner and I was eating dessert when she brought up the elephant in the room: anxiety. She told me in the gentlest way about how I come across to others. I know I had been doing this for years, since many people have come into my life and left rather quickly. I would come across as stressed, bossy, controlling and selfish. I didn't mean to–really. In my head, all I want is the best for others, but I was overwhelmed by every little thing that I was unable to focus on the bigger picture. I was consumed with irritation at the things I can’t control and the way I physically feel. I am sorry to everyone in my life–past or present–that I have offended or tried to control.

February 22, I realized as much as I have thought I can control these feelings, my anxiety, I can’t. I thought that I could pray and feel better, and sometimes that does work! However; most of the time, I am even more anxious in my prayers and I wonder if I’m praying correctly, if I look ridiculous or if I should even be asking God for these kinds of favors in the first place.

Well, let me tell you, I certainly can! He wants you to come to Him with anything and everything, there’s no correct way to pray, and you never look ridiculous in His eyes. While I know this, the excruciating feeling of anxiety is still overwhelming, and I was noticing it getting in the way of my spiritual life.

After praying to God and really asking whether or not medicine is the way to go, I felt 100 percent that it was worth trying. I made another appointment with the doctor and finally mentioned my anxiety. I began taking medicine and that was definitely a great first step. I wasn't sure, however, why I was still anxious in other situations. Then someone mentioned counseling. I have always been pretty open to the idea, but never given the opportunity. I agreed to the offer and I have now been going to counseling, as well as taking my medicine.

Although anxiety is still a struggle, with the balance of the two I am able to cope with it. I want others who read this to know that anxiety can be helped. It doesn't get better overnight, but patience and help from those around you can get you through the tough times. For the person reading this who doesn't struggle with anxiety, please know that anyone around you who has anxiety is struggling on a daily basis, even if they're on medication.