An Exclusive Look Into The Secret Life Of Mr. Trump Cat
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Politics and Activism

An Exclusive Look Into The Secret Life Of Mr. Trump Cat

"Get the Manx outta here. Get 'em out."

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An Exclusive Look Into The Secret Life Of Mr. Trump Cat

Over the the past year or so, all of the kitties have been purring or hissing over Mr. Trump kitty but who is he really? Desperate for more attention, Trump cat invited a team of reporters into his home.


1. Damn, those paws

Trump cat has paws, the best paws. Paws you wouldn’t believe. Paws that can hold charts. He squawks around as king of the mansion kneading on his owners, his couch and his rug constantly to show off his most glorious attribute.


2. He hires alley cats to do his bidding

Trump Cat overheard that his slave desires a second kitty, so he hired a dozen starving alley cats to dig a moat around his mansion to keep the other kitties away. When the alley cats finished their dig and meowed for their warm promised meal, Trump Cat snarled that he didn't know what they were meowing about. He never promised them anything.

Now whenever the alley cats come around, begging for their meal, Trump Cat can be spotted wiggling his fluffy butt across the window pane.

3. He thinks Manx are pathetic

"Manx cats? They're pathetic. They're thieves. They're inbred, I mean just look at them. Scum of the earth. Get 'em outta here. Get 'em out."

4. He monitors his slave carefully

"Whenever I wake up during the night Trump cat is just sitting there on the top of my nightstand, licking his charming little paws and boring his eyes into my soul. He's always watching. I started shutting my bedroom door at night." reported Trump Cat's slave, Billy. Billy thinks cats are fond of him, but actually, Trump cat has a team of trusted advisers paw-selected to spy on Billy throughout the city.


5. He hates dogs but he loves dog

"He's never consistent. It's hard to be Trump Cat's owner" sighs Billy the slave. He refuses to eat canned tuna one day, and the next that's all he will eat. "Good thing he's just a cat and never has to make any real decisions that would impact the world. I'd start preparing for the apocalypse in a jiffy," Billy laughed nervously.



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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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