I work at a daycare center over the summer, and I am often amazed at how well kids respond when you choose to speak to them with words that uplift and encourage.
If you are around children a lot -- if you are a mom reading this, a teacher, a babysitter, a camp counselor or a big brother or sister -- remember that your words have a huge impact on kids, and nurturing them with positive talk is SO important.
Here are some things to say to children that lift them up and inspire:
1. When they bring you something they made:
"Wow! This is so creative!" "I can see you were really using your imagination." "Can you tell me how you made it?" "Can you tell me what it means?"
Allowing kids to not only use their imaginations, but also have their creativity be celebrated by you and explained by themselves will encourage them to keep using their thinking caps and continue to be imaginative in their futures.
2. When they're stuck and don't know how to solve a problem, don't give them the answer right away, instead say:
"Let's look at it together." "Lets look at it a different way." "You're getting there! Don't give up!"
They don't learn anything if you give them the answer right away, but if they are seriously frustrated with a task you may need to offer assistance. Don't offer assistance right away either -- allow them to still think about the issue and let them know you are there for them while they figure it out. Giving them clues and different perspectives in issues will help as well.
3. "I'm so proud of you!"
Children don't get told this enough. You are a huge role model to them, and by showing them that you are proud of them, you will be teaching them to be proud of their own work as well.
4. "What do you think?"
We are so quick to give answers and shoo kids off because we are busy, or we have other children to deal with -- but taking the time to get their mind gears turning about anything and everything is always a good way to approach situations.
5. When they share or show their caring sides: "That was so kind of you!"
Celebrate when they are caring. Celebrate when they are kind. Celebrate when they share. Celebrate when they are thoughtful. Again, you are such a role model to them, and if you show them you appreciate what they have done, you will find they will be more likely to do the same good actions in the future.
6. When the solve a problem on their own: "You figured it out all by yourself! Good work!"
Kids are learning and growing, and they are learning how to be more and more independent every day. Celebrate that with them! (This is along the same lines as "I'm proud of you.")
7. "It's okay to cry."
So often, it's easy to say "stop crying" or "don't cry". Crying isn't fun for them and it definitely is not for us. However, instead of discouraging tears, assure them that a few tears are okay and direct them in happier directions. Telling them to suppress their feelings is unhealthy.
8. "Please." "Thank you." "You're welcome."
These may seem obvious, but unfortunately aren't as prevalent as they should be. Saying, "Can you please sit down?" rather than "Sit down!" sounds much different to a child, and the first is more polite and respectful than the latter. Let's remember, we want kids to respect us, so let's respect them as well. What's more, if we show this respectful and kind behavior, they will be that much more likely to reciprocate that behavior to us and their peers.
9. When they don't get it right:
"Sometimes it takes more than once. You'll get it next time!" "You're doing great, you'll get it next time!"
Failure is a normal part of life. Never stop encouraging them to keep trying. Give help when needed, but never allow kids to give up simply because they think it is too hard (especially since it's probably a feasible task). It's important to teach them to be hard workers and diligent thinkers from a young age.
10. "I LOVE YOU."
Always important. No matter what. Kids need to know that they are cared for and loved. Their bodies are constantly changing and growing and they are constantly changing and growing as people. They also make mistakes and have great accomplishments -- and they need to know that we love them whether they fail or succeed. Kids need unconditional love.
