How many times do people break up and end with something along the lines of "I hope we can stay friends…"?
Well let me tell you - this, my friends, is a myth. Something that cannot and will not happen. It won't end well. This isn't to say that two people who used to date can't be friends at some point in their lives, but that there needs to be a clean break and that two people need to go their separate ways for a while. So if you think you can be friends with your recent ex, here are six reasons why you should reconsider.
1. You aren’t giving yourself the chance to get over them.
It is super confusing when there is an immediate turn over from dating to friends. It is expected that people want to be friends because your ex was a significant part of your life. Most people can't imagine life without them. When dating someone, normally they aren't just your significant other, they usually they become your best friend. The person you tell everything to, the person who tells you "sweet dreams" at night and the person you cuddle up with and watch movies. If you try to be friends immediately, you aren't giving your brain the chance to comprehend that you aren't with this person anymore. You can't rely on them for everything anymore. Yes, maybe they could be a great friend, but I firmly believe that there needs to be a period of no contact in order to readjust to what your life is like without them.
2. It will be very challenging for either person to move on.
Let's say a couple breaks up and they are trying to be friends. It is going to make it really difficult to move on because you still care about your ex. You don't want them to know that you are talking to other people, so if you are like me, you are probably going to hide it from them to try to protect them. This isn't fair to either of you or the person you are talking to because let's face it, if you are hiding this person, you probably aren't serious about them.
3. If they still love you, moving on is going to make them jealous and upset.
If you are moving on and you are trying to be friends with your ex, your ex will have to see you move on. They will probably become jealous and get really upset over this. Who wouldn't be upset about someone they love finding happiness somewhere else, right? If you care about them still, you shouldn't want them to go through that. It is best to leave the friendship for a later date when both parties are over the heartbreak and moving forward in their lives.
4. If you have mutual friends, this can be “uncomfy” for them.
Not only is friendship confusing for the people who were in the relationships, but it is also super awkward for mutual friends. Do they invite you both to do things, only invite one or just invite neither of you? Especially if the friends aren't totally aware of what is going on post-breakup, they aren't going to want to upset anyone or make anyone uncomfortable.
5. You don’t forget all your inside jokes or looks that only the two of you understand.
When you date someone you get to know them so well and form a special bond that only the two of you are going to understand. If you are hanging out and accidentally let one of your inside jokes slip like the good old days or give them that sassy eye roll when they say something cheesy, it can bring up a lot of feels. Next thing you know you are both laughing and then bam! You kiss and then what? Friends aren't supposed to kiss. So just stop. Don't be these people.
6. So many mixed signals are going to be sent.
Breakups aren't always mutual. I think it's fair to say that one person might be more upset over a breakup than the other. Friendships could be more harmful because the slightest flirting or even just having a nice conversation can give mixed signals. A friendship might give an ex-lover false hope that the two of you are going to get back together. If that is not your intention, I would recommend passing on the friendship in the meantime.
Each relationship and friendship is different and needs to be handled with caution. It's easy to be selfish and non-realistic when wanting an ex to stay in your life. It's normal to miss them and not want them gone completely. But this is truly the healthiest and most helpful thing you can do for the both of you. Don't force a friendship though, because all you are going end up with is months of confusion and being stagnant. Neither of you are going to be moving forward or moving on in life and likely are going to realize eventually that friendship isn't working ęź· leaving you with heartbreak all over again months after the actual breakup.
