Stop saying women are too emotional. Stop saying that women are passive aggressive. Stop saying that women don't know how to express their wants and needs. Stop saying women are crazy after every break-up ever. It's just not true. Some women and some men may exhibit these behaviors. The problem is that these are default responses ONLY when describing women.
Please consider the following alternatives:
- Society asks women to act out both sides of every social dichotomy imaginable.
- Society does a horrible job teaching, or even allowing men to express emotions.
- Men have been enabled to behave in rude, violent, controlling, or threatening ways and society will perpetually choose to blame the woman instead because—God forbid—we ask a man to change his unhealthy behavior.
Let's address that first alternative. We've seen the incredibly accurate video released earlier this year; be a lady they said. This captures it perfectly. In a relationship, women are asked to be silent, speak up, make a decision already, stop being pushy, smile more, stop being so emotional, say what you want from me, stop being crazy. WE'RE SICK OF HEARING IT.
Instead, let's start expecting men to understand and express emotion in a healthy way. I'm sure most men would prefer to just feel what they feel and say it. So, everyone: stop telling men they're being a pussy. Stop telling men they should just fuck it out. Let men deal with their feelings for once in a healthy way. Women have been trying to speak up and say things. Men haven't been allowed by society to respond in an appropriate manner. They have been told that they need to call women crazy. They need to get drunk. They need to get laid. "Be a man" is just as detrimental as "be a lady." This leads to men being forced to choose between crawling under a rock to hide their emotions from others or acting out in ways that are extremely unhealthy for everyone involved. Let's stick to "be kind" or "don't be a dick."
Be a man and be a lady have shoved couples and exes into a world full of disturbing social rules perpetuated by rom-coms and dramas. Showing up at you ex's house at night without warning? Not acceptable. This isn't showing a woman your love. Your ex isn't effin' Rapunzel. She doesn't want to let down her hair or talk to you. If your ex isn't responding to your texts or phone calls, that is her communicating. That's not passive aggressive. That's actually very clear. She doesn't want to talk to you! Not to mention, it usually only gets to this stage because you already agreed to take a break from communicating with each other. That's healthy. Cut it off. When someone suggests it, you should listen. Don't post old photos with you ex in them. Unless you are still on talking terms with your ex or have been able to keep a friendship with your ex, this is manipulation via the masses. You're intentionally influencing the masses to believe you two are still dating to further isolate your ex.
When a man starts behaving in these ways, it shouldn't be up to the woman to change her behavior. When an ex tries to manipulate you into replying to his texts, you can block him. However, the better solution is to start expecting men to stop pestering you after the breakup has been established. If you've made it clear that the relationship is over, he should stop texting you. It's ridiculous that men have been allowed to harass their exes via text, insults, rumors, DMs, surprise visits, voicemails and it's all considered a Hollywood-style romantic gesture. It's disgusting that a woman responding in any way to a breakup is psychotic or heartless while a man's controlling or borderline stalker behavior is celebrated. Something needs to change here.
At the end of the day, women aren't that complicated and we are saying what we need quite often in ways that should be easy to understand. Women are not waiting for their exes to come sweep them off their feet. The only way you will win a man will win his ex back is to show that you listened to her and you've respected her throughout the post-breakup process. Nothing is hotter than a man who can do those two things. Also, stop telling people to "be a man" or "be a lady." It's 2020. Men should start having their version of Whine Wednesday post-breakup and express emotions in a healthy way with friends. Women are not damsels in distress anymore and we are not going to let you treat us that way.
