First off thank you for treating me like I was only a convenience and an option because now I know and I will never settle for anything less than I deserve.
You didn't even realize how the way you treated me affected my self-confidence and my independence. You made me vulnerable.
You made me put myself last.
You made me fall so selflessly in love with you that I forgot to take care of myself. I forgot who I was and what my passions were. I was so wrapped up in making sure you were happy that I lost the need to satisfy my own personal needs.
I put my doubts aside and believed you even when rumors flew around. I loved you so much that I looked like a fool for you. I treated you the way I wanted to be treated... but sadly I never got the love back that I gave to you. When I was alone and sick, you were never there. When I was breaking down in my room, you never picked up the phone. You never went the extra mile for me when I ran marathons for you.
I dropped anything and everything to rush to your side when you needed me.
You made me crazy. You told me you'd never do the things I was uneasy about and you turned around and did them anyway. You told me you loved me and only saw me in your life but you'd jump at the opportunity to party instead of spend time at my family party. You made me believe this was love. You made me believe love was "understanding" when you would blow me off to hang with your friends every single day. You made me believe love was never taking me on a date for holidays like Valentine's Day.
You somehow twisted my mind and made me feel crazy for feeling the ways that I did. I know they were valid then, but you defended your guilty conscience til the very end. You would get angry at me for pulling a you on you. You wanted me trapped, all to yourself... but you weren't all mine were you?
That wasn't love. Love isn't possession. Love isn't emotionally abusive. Love isn't selfish. Love isn't controlling. Love isn't all about what you put on social media. Love isn't just physical.
Love is commitment and communication. Love is understanding. Love is realizing where you went wrong and working hard to fix any problem. Love is mutual. Love is being the shoulder to cry on when you need it the most. Love is feeling whole. Love is about bringing out the best in someone, not the worst.
So thank you... thank you for showing me what love is NOT and for making me realize what type of love I want and will have with someone else. Thank you for allowing me to understand and appreciate my worth to the fullest. I have never been this self-confident in my life. Thank you for breaking me down because I had the chance to build myself up for the better.
