Dear Ex-Best Friend,
They say any person who has been by your side for longer than 10 years is meant to be your best friend. I don't think I've reached 10 to this day, but we were only a few years away.
It's been years since you left me, but our lives seem to be intertwined in the most twisted ways. Our moms still talk, I don't know if you know that. They share photos of us, the people we've become and the places we've been. They talk about all the great things we've been up to, but they never talk about the hardships we went through without each other.
They don't mention the loss of life over the years, or how circumstances of them have rocked the world in the most unimaginable ways. They don't mention the denial letter you got from your top school. They don't mention the boyfriend that you thought was your "Mr. Forever."
I was given a choice at some point, to keep going along with the trouble and being submissive or move on to something new. I stood up for myself, not wanting to be a wandering, following sheep like the others. And I paid the price, not you.
I spent nights on my bedroom floor with no one there to hold my hand when a screaming match was happening in the bedroom next door. No one was there when I lost my first childhood pet. The most pathetic part: you sent a sympathy card and didn't remember to even sign it.
I think the true irony is that you aren't much different now as when we were kids. You ruled the playground only to be smacked down in high school. But you were smarter than that. You assembled your own group and found your way into the "popular" groups which was probably a waste of time, since none of you have talked since you left for college. And now they left in the dust, just like you did to me all those years ago.
I still think about the times we spent making the most disgusting foods and calling them culinary masterpieces. I still remember dancing in the rain after a softball game singing "Fun House" by P!nk. I still think about the way you treated me, before dropping me entirely.
I'm not going to thank you. You don't deserve it. You don't deserve the credit for the person I've become today. Just because you left, doesn't mean that you can walk back in whenever you wish. This isn't elementary school anymore.
In fact, I still feel quite bad for you. The tables have turned, and now you know how I felt all those years ago –lost, overwhelmed, abandoned, and in a constant state of fear.
I'm proud of the person I've become. I'm stronger in ways I thought I'd never be. I have learned to love my independence, rather than fear it. I learned to run towards the chaos, not from it. I learned to string and tape myself back together, and I know I can come back from almost anything. I have learned that people will treat you however they see fit, but that people will always get what they deserve in the most unexpected ways.
Most importantly, I learned to smile a sincere enough smile and play nice in the face of fear. I learned to wish my "enemies" well. No one deserves to suffer on their own. I truly do hope that things work out for you.
I pass by your house every now and then. I stop and stare at it, thinking about what has changed since the last time I was there. And I smile.
I can smile because I know I am the better person. I know I will be ok. And I am confident in leaving you in the dust now, just like you did to me ten years ago.
Sincerely,
The Girl That's Still Standing.
