You know how they say, "Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt me." Well, they were wrong. Your words did hurt, in fact, they cut me like a knife. Though what hurt even worse, was not the words, but the your lack of words. The silence.

To be completely honest, your words didn't hurt me at all. They made me feel anything but pain. When we first started talking, you'd take your words and wrap them around me like a blanket, holding together every inch of me that was falling apart. You made me feel wanted. You made me feel like I belonged. For once in my life the world didn't revolve around who I wasn't, and what I did wrong, or the shit person I used to be. You would take every single tear I shed from my eyes, and heal me with every single word you spoke. With you, I wasn't the outcast, I wasn't the loser, I wasn't the number of friends I had or the rolls on my stomach. I wasn't the acne that covered my face, or the anxiety that filled into every inch of my being. I wasn't my stage fright, or my everlasting fear of never being enough. With you I was my dreams. my late night thoughts, the sparkle in my eyes, and the strength in my heart. But you knew that. You knew who I was when I was with you, you knew exactly who I was when I was under the influence of your lies, you knew what I felt every time you smiles at me with the little dimples that embedded in your cheeks or the whispers of, "God damn I am so in love with everything you are." You knew, and maybe that is why it hurt so much.

You spent months investing everything you were into me, telling me your nitty gritty untold nightmares, and your deepest darkest secrets. You gave me every promise he didn't, you gave me the love I never received. You showed me the beauty of being alive, and gave me the courage to never give up. You spit love in my eyes, and I blindly fell for it. It wasn't even that that hurt the most, it was when I went from everything to nothing, without a single word of explanation. In a matter of an hour, your words went from, "She will never control who I talk to." to absolutely nothing at all. I guess you were wrong, because within an hour you went from texting all day, to nothing at all. I went from everything, to some girl you used to know. Why? Because you believed the lies she fed you before asking me what was actually going on. I spent days, weeks, trying to understand why all of a sudden you wouldn't talk to me. I never gave up on you. After a thousand promises, look who was the one that left. But I thank you, for showing me the power of a lie hidden behind a beautiful face, and how quickly someone can go from everything to nothing.

But you know what? Fuck you, and every single one of your promises. Because you spent this entire time convincing me you were this "picture perfect" guy, you convinced me you wouldn't leave, that you would be here through the darkest nights and the sunniest days. So fuck you. Fuck all of your lies. Fuck all of those I love you's & I won't ever leaves because look who is here in the end and who is not. Maybe you just don't know the truth, but people don't do this to people they care about and now I am the one stuck wondering if you ever meant anything you ever said, without a single goodbye. What even was this? What the hell happened to "You better not leave because you are all I have left." Fuck you. Because you wouldn't have left me like this if you cared.

I just wish it wasn't so hard. I wish moving on and forgetting your face, and your touch, and your smile, and the way you told me you loved me was not so goddamn hard. I wish I could snap my fingers and you and everything you were would go away. But you know what? I am stronger now. I am smarter now. I am three steps closer to falling in love with who I am as a person and not the way a guy makes me feel when he tells me I am worth it. Because I am worth it. Not because he tells me so and not because for once in my life I fit in with the rest of the girls at my high school, in a relationship. I am worth it because I am me. I am passionate, and caring, and focused, and determined, and I am smart. I am beautiful. I am going to grow to do amazing things with my life because I am going to push myself to do so. I am strong because I have pushed myself forward regardless of the things I face. I am worth it even with my quirks and broken pieces, even with my hardships and my addictions, the thing I have come to find is, all the things I try to hide from myself, are beautiful. Those things are the reason I am who I am today. So that you my mystery man, for showing me that regardless of that tears that followed your absence, I am an amazing person.

For all the girls who ever feel the way I did, you will find happiness when you stop searching for it in boys and late night hookups. You my dear will find a place in this works as soon as you look into yourself for the answers, not the I love you's escaping from his lips at four am because you will accept anything he tells you so you feel less alone. This is for you, and everything you are with or without him.