My dad and I are very similar in the sense that we both know that feelings are not something commonly voiced by either of us. As we interact with those around us we feel more comfortable showing how we feel and avoiding the vulnerability that comes from voicing our emotions. I’ve come to find that though it’s not something I do naturally it is something people appreciate from time to time. What better way to begin being okay with vulnerability than by writing a letter to the two people who have made me who I am today.
Dear Dad,
Since we don’t typically discuss how we feel in any situations I have a lot to say. There have been times I wished that we were both more vocal. While growing up I have learned that I find it easier and I am more honest when I can sort my feelings out while writing instead of having a conversation.
Sitting here writing this letter I’m not sure what I want to tell you first. I love you. Thank you. I’m proud of you. I hope you’re proud of me. I miss you. I’ll always be daddy’s little girl. I wish as I grew older that you would grow younger. I appreciate you. I owe you. I blame you. I aspire to be much like you in so many ways. The list of things I can come up with to tell you is never-ending.
From as far back as I can remember, Dad, there was nobody on this planet that I would have rather been with than with you. I can remember at times Mom and I would clash about my wanting to always be around you. Out of every athletic event I’ve played since the age of 4 I am sure I would only need two hands to count the games you two have missed. Life was never too hectic for you guys to make an appearance. Though you don’t often tell me that you’re proud, it is in these ways I always knew you were.
Your support has meant more to me than you know. Whether I am succeeding or failing I am never alone. As I make my accomplishments you are there pushing me to make more. When I am failing you are there to help dust me off and send me to go right back after my dreams. I know that without you, I wouldn’t have the means or the opportunities that have been provided to me. I have never had to turn an opportunity to grow as a woman, student, or athlete with money being the deciding factor because of your hard work. Your selflessness in putting the things you want aside to provide for your children’s wants has been something I will remember and learn from throughout my lifetime.
Dad, I also learn through watching your way of dealing with the downs in life. I was the type of kid to sulk in my sorrows and let myself be miserable. As I grew into a woman I learned to follow by example and realize that life is a bitch sometimes and when we take it head on, deal with the negatives as they come, life tends to be a lot more fun to live. The things you have seen in your life are things I hope to never endure, but I do hope to handle similar situations with the grace that you have.
Our relationship hasn’t always been rainbows and unicorns. What father and daughter haven’t been at odds a time or two. I blame my stubbornness on you, we are both so similar in that aspect. When we are at each other the bickering can go in circles for rounds. Your temper has always been something I have hoped to not see in myself. We had a couple rough years but I know there is no one out there who is more willing to protect me from the world than you are.
A big thanks to you, Mom, for always bringing the calm into our storm. If there is just one thing I hope to take from you, it is how slow you are to anger. Your kindness and compassion for those around you is undeniable. I see in myself much of the unwavering loyalty for my family that has been instilled in you. Being my very best friend, of course you make your way into a letter intended for Dad, but we both know we have plenty of talks about feelings.
As I head into my 5th, and last year of college, I specfically want to thank you for these last 4 years. The phone calls after a stressful day where I sob and you listen quietly. The 1am phone calls when I'm drunk, you know I'm drunk, yet you still answer. For the money when needed, and the dinner dates when I feel like giving up. The absurd jokes during the heartbreaks, the advice when it came to my hard decisions, and for not laughing the time I called to ask you if cars needed their oil changed more than once, ever. Thank you for always accepting and loving me for who I am, whether I am doing something that you agree with or not you have loved me uncondtiontally. Most importantly, I want to thank you for letting me, simultaneously, be the 22 year old woman I have become and the 6 year old little girl in overalls and a mickey t-shirt sitting on your lap.
