Whether it’s a night out with the girls, the “dinner” segment of “dinner and a movie” on a first date, a celebration of any kind, or simply a nasty case of the hangry, at some point in our lives we have all eaten out at a restaurant. And while robots and touch screen ordering menus might be the future of the industry, as of now we still stick to good ol’ fashioned human beings to take our orders, fill our drinks and deliver our food. In case you were unaware, those human beings happen to be more like you than you’d think! They’ve got bills to pay, things to do, and, get this, feelings! Though as wild a concept as this may seem, the way you treat your hard working server may actually affect them. So, without further ado, here is a step-by-step guide you should closely study before going out to eat again.

1. Initial meeting of your server

When your server approaches your table and gives you a warm and friendly greeting, you should ignore it entirely and instead bark your drink order at them. This will ensure prompt service and set a great mood for the meal.

Example:

Server: “Hi guys welcome to the restaurant! My name is Kaitlyn, how are you all doing tonight?”

Your response: “Gimme a Bud Lite in an aluminum bottle and a water.”

Extra points if you refrain from ever using the word “please.”

2. Ordering your meal

Once your drinks have arrived and you are giving your server your order, ask as many questions as you possibly can that can all be answered simply by reading the menu that’s in your hands! Servers love taking the time to point out all of the dinner sides and types of dressings that are listed directly next to the meal you’re ordering! Oh, pro tip: don’t listen to the answers when someone else at your table asks them, just ask again when it’s your turn!

3. Waiting for your food to arrive

Flag down your server when they’re busy with another table to say any of the following:

“We were here first and they (pointing to the table next to you) already got their food.” Ignore the fact that they’re eating salads, which take minutes to make.

“Wow, did they have to kill the whole cow to make my burger?” Ignore the fact that you ordered your burger well-done.

“We have plans after dinner, can you tell the kitchen to put a rush on our food?” Ignore the fact that you didn’t make a reservation at an earlier time, or at all.

4. Getting your meal

When the food finally arrives at your table, your server will probably ask something like, “Can I get anyone anything else?” Quickly respond with “no” but several minutes later, again, when your server is occupied with a different task at a different table, wave them over to ask for another side of ranch (“this will not even be close to enough!”), more napkins and a different drink order. Here’s another: eat three quarters of your meal before complaining that something was wrong with it the entire time!

5. Finishing your meal and paying

When you are finished up with your meal but still have an alcoholic beverage from the bar, ask for a to-go cup for it. Servers love deciding between legalities and getting a better tip. Also, if your kid has managed to get mac'n'cheese and French fries on all parts of the table and floor, and broke all the crayons and ripped up the kid's menu, don’t make any attempt to clean any of it up! Servers love the extra time it takes for them to clean this up before the next guests arrive. Also, take your time ripping the bill out of each other’s hands, and have the never-ending conversation of, “I got this one,” “No, you got it last time,” “Give it to me, it’s my treat tonight,” “It’s OK, I want to pay for dinner!”

And the best way to get in good with your server, ladies and gents, is tipping anything less than 20 percent when their service was great. Their paycheck will always make up the difference, anyways!