It's 2 a.m. and you have been tossing and turning for the past hour trying to make yourself sleep, but sleep is not on your side tonight. As a matter of fact, it has not been on your side for weeks and you just wish your mind would stop spinning. Your eyes are closed and all of a sudden tears start falling and two mins later your face and pillow are all wet. You have the sniffles and now it's a matter of telling yourself to calm down.
Your head is still overthinking seven different scenarios that happened five years ago. The one random memory of someone telling you, "do you even have any friends?" or "you need to speak up because you are just so so quiet." The thoughts just keep flooding your mind and all you want is to scream. Scream at the top of your lungs and make it all disappear like magic.
Unfortunately, it does not work like that and it is now 3 a.m. and you just want to get four hours of sleep. You contemplate whether you should walk around, listen to music, or check to see if anyone is awake. You hope someone is awake to distract you from all your thoughts and luckily someone is. You want to tell them what you are feeling but instead, you fib and say you just can't sleep because you slept too much the night before. Your mind starts racing again and your chest feels heavy. You should tell them how you feel, I mean maybe it could help? You start to explain and they are giving you their full attention. They are being so supportive but they do not fully understand, so they start to question what the root cause of your pain is.
It is too much for you to handle because you cannot admit what the problem is and now you regret that you let this person in. They want to know what is going on in your mind and you do not want to let them in because they will not understand. No one understands. You are alone and you just want sleep
4 a.m.
You finally are asleep but before you know it, it's 7 a.m. and it is time for school. Time to pretend that everything is fine and go about your normal routine. Time to try to have a good day. Time to laugh and smile with your friends but inside you just want to curl up and be alone.
You hope that maybe sleep will be on your side tonight because you cannot keep up with your mind and all the things running around in it. You put on a brave face for the rest of the day because you are fine, everything is fine, it is all fine.
