An extremely hard lesson to grasp onto is that not everybody has the same heart. Many feel with a great intensity, and extremely empathetic people have a self-sacrificing nature that has allowed them to offer others immense support at their lowest points. It never occurred to me that this could be self-destructive until there were people I gave the world to who distanced themselves as soon as I expressed that I needed them back.
There will be unpreventable days where everyone feels a bit hopeless or suffers from setbacks. In opposition to what few may suggest, your worst moments are the ones where true friends are meant to prove their unconditional love. For a while, it was difficult for me to recognize that not everybody offers help in the same way that I do. In spite of this, it does not mean they did not care.
How can I not matter? How can they simply not care about me? After everything that I have done for them, how can they not feel any empathy towards my situations?
Moving forward, I have learned that each day matters and that there is not enough time to regret loving too much. Enormous sacrifices have been made when a friend needed me, yet several of these individuals were unwilling to even inquire how I was doing. This has been extremely disheartening, however, I can no longer internalize their lack of empathy as being contingent upon their love for me. Not everybody hears the unvoiced thoughts, feels with the same intensity, or is as attuned to the change in mood of the friend who unexpectedly got quiet. Sometimes people get so engrossed in their own worlds that they fail to observe and care and be present for their friends. Regardless of their limitations, you are allowed to express negative emotions and still deserve love.
Being present when your friend's life has gotten harder is what friendship is about. I cannot justify anyone's lack of compassion at a time that you may have needed them, but do know this. You loved them with every fiber of your being. Somebody needed you, and whether or not they returned the favor, you cared. I make no apologies for loving the ones who were unable to do the same for me.
The vulnerable and empathetic have a gift. Sometimes loving with all you have can hurt because striving to understand the complexity of others means that some will fail to understand you. In spite of this, allow yourself to be grateful for the number of times you were the first to notice a saddened child but found the means to make them smile. To have offered a loved one the validation they desired. To have the power to know exactly which words someone needed at the time they needed it.
It is without a doubt difficult to surrender your faith in the ones you love when hoping they will offer support. To release the craving you have with the intensity you do that this person will express that you and your situations matter. While it is by no means easy to give up on the people that dismiss your needs, you can love them but choose to let go of a need to increase their empathy. Instead, we can attempt to simply take notice for those who have expressed love and empathy and have proven to be there throughout.
Despite everyone's varying expressions of love, there are friends who will ask how you are, who offer time and support and are perhaps willing to make the occasional sacrifice. Love to the point of consumption. Let yourself be swallowed up whole. Sometimes the compassionate confide in people who are not in a place to hear it, and this can result in fearing the absence of love. In spite of this, hold onto the belief that your empathy will continue to mend others and provide you with gratitude for the friends who did love you back.
