"We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls, 'you can have ambition..but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man.' Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments (which I think can be a good thing!), but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.
Feminist: the person who believes in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes." -Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
If this doesn't give you chills, read it again. And again. And again until its ingrained in your head. This quote, made by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie in her TED talk about equality of the sexes can also be found at the beginning of Beyonce's song, "Flawless." I listen to it at least once a day to remind me to keep my passion for women's rights. It's easy to get defeated when society shuts you down, but so much progress has already been made. And for those who want to stop reading because you think feminism is about bra burning and hating men, I can assure you that you are 100 percent wrong.
Feminism is not a dirty word. It should not have a negative connotation. Instead, a feminist is something everyone should be, since really it is a human rights issue, not a woman's rights. Women are human beings, who should be treated equally. For some reason the word feminist has become so taboo, most people who say they want equal rights say they are not feminists. This is absurd. And news flash: you don't have to be anti-man to be pro-women. In fact, all men should be feminists too, as equal rights and equal pay would help the economy and so many other aspects of life most don't even think about.
Why is it that most little girls dream of their wedding day and not of their future careers, like boys do? Why, when someone gets engaged on Facebook, there are hundreds of comments on the girl's post about how beautiful she will look and how awesome her life will be, but when something happens at work, we don't know about it. Promotions at work or leadership roles taken on should be celebrated, not hidden and overshadowed by getting married or having babies (which are great things, don't get me wrong)! However, in our society, a woman's wedding day is "the best day of her life," but men are never expected to aspire to marriage. Rather there's a cool stigma to the "player" who's a bachelor all his life and never gets married.
Instead of girls encouraging each other to excel in their job or in school, we view each other as constant competition for the attention of men. We are snarky and jealous—not because we are bad people—but because society has taught us that our only worth is the worth men give us. If we are not worthy of a man, we are rendered useless and worthless. And that's sad. We should be building each other up and showing love and support in order to encourage other women to be strong; to reach for those promotions to change the way women are viewed in the workplace. The change must start with us, but we can't get anywhere if we are hesitant to unite as one because of our petty jealousies. We are worth way more than any label or worth men give us.
Why any woman would say she isn't a feminist, I do not know. Women still do not make as much money as men. The norm is for women to stay at home while the man works. But it's just a vicious cycle. Why would the woman work while the man stays home with the kids if the man is going to make more money? We must change one thing for other things to fall into place. Women could be vital aspects to companies if they weren't discriminated against for having children or for simply just being a woman. We can't marginalize half the globe and expect to see results. We can't win as a country if half of us are held back.
I'm ashamed to admit this, but sometimes when I get down on myself for not being able to find a job or knowing that I will not make as much money as men, I try to comfort myself with the fact that it's OK if I have a mediocre job because my future husband will take care of me. That's a thought women should never have crossed their mind. But it's hard to not think that when we've been taught for years that a man will one day take care of us.
It may seem obvious that women should be treated equally and should be paid as much as men do. So why aren't we talking about feminism more in schools and in the workplace? Because it's uncomfortable. Men don't like to admit privilege, just like Caucasians don't like to admit white privilege. Honestly, these poor boys don't even do it on purpose. They, and women for that matter don't know how much men are privileged because our society has normalized women being ostracized. But we have to start thinking about our every day lives and take note of every time women are not able to do something a man can do. We must start talking about it or nothing will ever be done.
I will be as successful than my husband and male counterparts one day. I will rise up in my workplace and not be held back because of my gender. I will teach my daughter and son to treat all human beings with respect and compassion. It may take a little more work, but that's why females were made that much stronger.
This is for the girls who've ever gotten offended when they got two points in coed soccer for scoring a goal instead of one. And for the girl who was told to "act like a lady" or a man will never love her. This is for the young boys who were yelled at for "throwing like a girl." For every girl who has been called a whore for enjoying sex, or wearing certain clothing while going out, while her male counterpart gets high-fived for sleeping with her. This is for you. And you need to speak up and start fighting like a girl.