13 Things You're Probably Saying To Slut Shame Others Without Realizing It

Slut shaming and sex shaming are alive and well in 2017.

2018 is almost upon us and I am in utter disbelief at how many people, including some of my closest friends, still perpetuate this idea that being sexually explorative or even perceived as such, for some reason makes a person less than.

These, I kid you not, are the same friends who will join in at an anti-Trump protest and will call him out on his misogyny, the same friends that will condemn anyone accused of rape, and the same friends who will watch "Mean Girls" with me and snap at Ms. Norbury’s epic speech in the gymnasium.

So if my friends, who I consider to be extremely socially conscious, are still constantly using language that shames people for simply living, then chances are some of you are too. So below I’ve compiled a list of many slut shaming conversations and comments that I hear on a regular basis.

Note: This list is for ALL genders. I want to point out that from my experience it is generally women and other gender minorities who face this kind of scrutiny, but I also want to point out that I’ve also seen it a lot particularly in the gay community as well done to other men by other men.

1. Shaming someone who has an online dating/ hookup profile.

(This is probably the most common one I hear). This Includes:

- Exposing someone’s account without their permission.

- Being weirded out by them having a profile

- Talking about how you’d never want to meet someone online

2. Jokes about strippers and prostitutes.

Exhibit A: “I’m just gonna quit school and become a stripper.”

3. Praising celebrities/models when they post a half-naked picture but judging a friend or a mutual friend when they do the same thing.

4. Talking about a person’s sexual history without their permission or acknowledgment.

Mind your own business.

5. Referring to anyone as “wife material” because they haven’t had sex or had many sexual partners.

6. Joking with your friends about someone who posted a “provocative” photo on social media.

7. Criticizing the girl who got pregnant in high school

8. Referring to anyone, as a hoe, whore, slut, thot, trick, etc.

Why are there so many words dedicated to the degradation of women due to their sexual experiences? Welcome to A'murrica.

9. Slut Shaming celebrities, yes they're people too.

Or, sharing sexist posts about celebrities from the media.

10. Reinforcing sexist dress codes.

11. Asking what she was wearing or how much she was drinking.

12. Refusing to befriend or date someone based on their sexual history.

13. Praising (or judging) someone who is waiting until they get married.

This list can go on and on. I do want to point out though that this list is mostly geared towards the gender binary and does not really take into account the experiences of Trans folk or gender non-conforming individuals.

Also, I want to acknowledge the double standard that exists between men and women when it comes to sexuality, but also the double standard that exists between White women and Women of Color.

Historically, White women have been judged less harshly when compared Black women when it comes to sexuality. Latina women are often oversexualized, and Asian women are either not sexual at all or submissive to the White man.

The point is, that no matter how “woke” you are, we all make mistakes. And a common one is policing sexuality with our words and our actions. Let’s stop.