All right, before we get into this, let’s be very clear on what I mean by "fighting." I don’t mean that you shouldn’t fiercely stand up for what you believe. I’m also not writing this in regards to one-on-one savage fighting (although that is just as bad). I’m writing this in regards to those fights we all have with our best friends and family members. You know, the one where someone said something that was offensive or was clearly misconstrued. Ahhh, yes those glorious moments.
We’ve all been there, in the heat of an argument, you said something that was out of line and suddenly World War 3 erupts. And before you know it, you and your opponent are divided. It happens to the best of us, but the truth is that it shouldn’t.
Realistically, in any sort of relationship you have with any human in this world, there will be miscommunication and you will not always see eye-to-eye. It’s bound to happen because, as humans, we are taught to think independently and free will has a habit of getting the best of us.
BUT here’s the thing about fighting and these enthralling arguments we entangle ourselves in. They happen because we are selfish people. Okay, slow your roll, hot wheels. Before you shut the computer, think about this. Arguments, and I mean real arguments (screaming, crying, perfect-storm arguments) ensue when we are desperately trying to prove that we are right. Right? You want to make sure that Abby across the hall knows that if she doesn’t take out the trash at least once a week, you’re going to personally empty it in her room because it’s really pissing you off that she’s lazy.
That’s the first problem. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but if you want to get a point across, shouldn’t your focus be on explaining your side of the story so that the other party understands where you are coming from? The "average Joe" rarely manages to accomplish this. In fact, as humans, we get so caught up in proving that we are right, we focus our attention on word-vomiting everything we feel without stopping to listen to others.
That’s our second problem. Once we finally word-vomit how we feel we think that’s it. That is the end. I’m right, I’ve said it all, nothing you say will change my mind you peasant. WRONG. By this point in life, I hope you’ve realized that life is a pretty quid pro quo-game, meaning that if you give something, you must take something. If that’s true then why do we close ourselves off from the other party’s side of the story? When we communicate nowadays, we are so focused on what we’re going to say next that we forget to listen to what the person right in front of us is saying in that present moment.
Isn’t that awful? Actually, it’s not just awful— it’s rude. Everyone here wants to be heard and more importantly everyone here deserves to be heard. If Abby from across the hall is going to stand there and listen to me complain for five minutes about how irresponsible she is, it is human decency that I allow her to defend herself. If I don’t, not only am I being selfish and entitled, but I’m also being unfair. And you know what? If I practice common human decency, and I mean actual decency where my eyes are rolled back into place and I’m not secretly bashing her in my head, I might discover that Abby from across the hall is really struggling with some things and hasn’t even been spending much time in the dorm. So I really shouldn’t even be having this talk with her, my real beef should be with Stacy next door.
As humans we aren’t the most skilled communicators and that’s okay. But you know what’s not okay? Invalidating someone’s opinion because it conflicts with yours. That’s the bottom line here. It is incredibly unfortunate that people lose best friends and cut ties with family members all because people aren’t willing to listen to each other.
That’s a damn shame because this universe is so incredibly vast and expansive and we get such a short amount of time to enjoy it all. Truthfully, our time here is worthwhile because of the people that we surround ourselves with. Abby from across the hall has the power to make my life that much more full of adventure and stories to tell my kids a decade from now. And quite frankly, I’m sick and tired of watching people toss one another out of each other’s lives and cause divides all because they can’t communicate.
Do us all a favor and just listen to each other; for one moment, stop worrying about how certain you are that you’re right and think about the human in front of you and how much their opinion should matter -- right or wrong, they have value and they deserve to be heard.
Life’s too short to channel your energy into a verbal Kung-Fu Fighting match with the people that matter the most to you. Get it together, people.
