It's Time We Establish The Friendship Before Dating

If you're reading this, you're most likely in college like me. Plenty of our peers want to date someone and/or have a real connection with another person. Yet, so many are still sleeping around, creating an inevitable emotional detachment from their string of partners.

Don't you think it's time to grow up? We're here because we want to earn a degree and be a part of the next wave of young adults to enter the workforce. This is some next-level stuff going on here. Meaning, we must present ourselves as professional and responsible, or we won't be given a second glance. So, shouldn't our personal lives also reflect these characteristics as well?

I am a human being. And like all other human beings, we long for someone to love. Just as we need water, food and shelter. However, because of this, we often rush into things, settle or are flat-out reckless. We wouldn't treat a job like this. Or even our education. So why would you treat a relationship with such nonchalance?

Therefore, if you are really attracted to someone or find someone compelling, test the waters first. Do they show an interest?

Most importantly, befriend each other.

Too many relationships were founded on attraction alone, without the necessary step of really getting to know your significant other to begin with. Why do you think relationships around you seem to always end quicker before they started? Friendships don't blossom over night. We are picky with who we share our thoughts and experiences with. Romantic relationships should be no different.

Now, if you're like me, you are not one to treat love lightly. If I choose to love someone, I'm all in. That's one main reason why I have yet to be in a serious relationship. Yes, I've been on dates in the past and they were lovely. But the reason for never calling back wasn't that they were bad guys. Many of them were quite wonderful. It was our differences in maturity and what we ultimately wanted out of life.

If you think it's not the right time to talk about important lifestyle choices within the first few dates, then you won't talk about them until it's too late. However, if you and your crush establish a friendship first, then it will allow for much deeper and meaningful conversations, and with ease on top of that.

At this time in my life, I know I don't want my own kids. I would rather adopt later in life. I would want to raise my children with Christian values and faith. If I had the higher paying job, I would want my husband to stay home and raise our children. I wouldn't mind traveling for work or having to move because of it. Etc, etc, etc.

If my potential lover and partner in life could not accept this about me, then I would be able to know that before a relationship, emotions, attachment and heartbreak even had the chance to develop. All because I knew of his wants and aspirations beforehand, and he knew of mine.

Plus, you've got to recognize where you both are at this very moment. Is he or she older or younger than you and by how much? Is one of you thinking about graduate school, while the other isn't? Where would you live? What ultimately do you want from yourselves and from life? If you're both willing to compromise somehow, then great. But if there are too many obstacles ahead to realistically work through, then maybe the relationship isn't meant to be.

Lastly, there's sex. The thing that blinds our decision making the most. Intense attraction will most always lead you to the endzone, but is that where you ideally want to go? Many young adults, especially college-aged adults, unfortunately treat others as disposables. And when sex is involved, they don't realize just how much they're giving of themselves (and taking from the other).

For me, sex is sacred. I haven't maintained my virginity for this long just so some guy I barely know can stop by and ruin me. Absolutely not. I am choosing to save myself for someone who respects me and who truly loves me. I wouldn't want to share my most vulnerable and precious self with someone who I don't fully trust. Would you?

When people talk about the power of friendship, it's no joke. The mutual love and respect present among friends is one of life's sweetest treasures, if not the greatest creation of all. As far as love goes, there is someone out there who dreams of the same things and who longs for companionship.

In the meantime, go about your daily routine. Someone unexpected just might come along who wants to be a part of it.