One of my nightmares goes like this...
I'm in Portland or some other irritatingly hipster place.
It's a coffee shop.
I'm staring at the menu, often pretentiously calligraphed on a blackboard with chalk, nervously trying to choose my drink. I don't know what I want. I don't know what any of these drinks are. There are people behind me. Some anxiety-inducing Vampire Weekend song is blasting through the speakers.
All the while a barista with a man-bun is just standing there. Waiting. Judging.
And I just storm out because I have no idea what any of those Italian-looking words mean, and that barista is terrifying.
To help you avoid any of this horror in a real-life coffee situation, impress your date and also appear more cultured than you actually are, here are the 20 essential coffee drinks:
1. Espresso
The basis for many coffee drinks. Nearly boiling water is forced through finely ground coffee, producing this very concentrated drink. It tastes bitter and has a dense texture that is a bit creamy. One 1 oz portion of this drink is called a "shot" and is served in a 2 oz cup. It's a super manly drink served in the cutest tiniest cup.
2. Double Espresso (Doppio)
Two shots of espresso in the same tiny cup. Even manlier.
3. Americano
Usually two shots of espresso with at least an equal amount of water. A popular ratio is about 8 oz of water to 2 oz of espresso. The barista might ask you if you want room for cream, which means they will not fill the cup to the brim so that you can add cream, milk or sugar to your taste.
4. Drip or Pour-over Coffee
The two are essentially the same thing. This is the most common type of regular coffee and is available pretty much anywhere. Drip brewing method is pouring hot water over ground coffee and the result is the coffee-saturated water dripping through a filter into a pot or a mug. Coffee makers automate this process, so you just press a button and it does it for you. But when someone says "pour-over" they usually refer to the manually poured hot water method. And that is what you're most likely going to get at a hip coffee shop.
In some places you'll see a drip stand like this:
Or this thing called a Chemex:
5. French Press Coffee
My coffee brewing method of choice, a french press is easy to use and makes your coffee taste rich and bold. You just pour hot water over coarsely ground coffee beans, put the lid up and let it sit for about seven minutes. Then the fun part: you push the press down, which holds all the coffee grounds at the bottom of the pot and allows you to enjoy the most perfect cup of joe.
6. Cold Brew
Ground coffee is soaked in chilled or room temperature water for 12-24 hours. The coffee grounds are then filtered out and the coffee is served over ice. It's not as acidic as regular iced coffee and has a smooth flavor.
7. Red Eye and Black Eye
Regular coffee with respectively one and two shots of espresso poured in. This stuff can really give you a red eye.
8. Cortado
A serving of espresso is "cut" (cortado = "cut" in Spanish and Portuguese) with a little bit of hot milk to reduce acuity. Cortado is also very manly. Basically, any coffee drink served in a tiny cup is manly. In a version of this dink called Gibraltar, there is more froth on top than usual, which allows the barista to make you pretty milky pictures.
9. Latte
The most popular drink anywhere and everywhere, a latte allows you to be creative by adding different flavored syrups. Latte is foamy steamed milk poured over espresso. "Latte art" is what happens when a skillful barista makes a picture with the steamed milk on the surface of your drink.
10. Cappuccino
The classiest and richest specialty drink. A traditional cappuccino is made with a shot of espresso, steamed milk and rich thick milky foam on top, often sprinkled with cinnamon. The frothy foam makes adorable cappuccino art like the one above possible.
11. Breve
An American version of the European latte with rich half-and-half instead of milk. Because this is 'Murica and we don't settle for some kind of blandness such as milk. Breve has a very specific intense creamy flavor.
12. Flat White
Originated in Australia and New Zealand. Like a latte, it is steamed milk poured over espresso. The main difference is in the foam - the foam in a flat white is shorter and less frothy and is always finished with a signature foam dot rather than latte art. Starbucks says that their flat white is also sweeter than a latte because they use different type of espresso shots that highlight natural sweetness. Another difference is that at a proper coffee shop your latte will be served in a glass while a flat white is served in ceramic cups.
13. Mocha
14. Caffè Macchiato or Espresso Macchiato
In Italian this literally means "stained" coffee or "stained" espresso. A small amount (a teaspoon) of steamed milk foam is dropped directly into a shot of espresso, which reduces its acidity.
15. Latte Macchiato
Opposite of espresso macchiato, latte macchiato means "stained" milk. Unlike in the above drink, the emphasis here is on the milk rather than the coffee. To make a macchiato, a barista will steam the milk to a consistency where there is a lot of dry foam and a layer of milk underneath. Then a shot of espresso is gently poured over the froth, and you can see how it forms a separation between the milk and the foam. This is served in a glass so that you can see all of the beauty.
16. Affogato
Espresso poured over a scoop of ice cream. The best of both worlds.
17. Chai Tea Latte
The most heartwarming drink for the dreary winter days. A chai latte is made from sweetened spicy black tea blended with steamed milk. The black tea recipe is originated in India and is spiced with cardamom, cinnamon and black pepper.
18. London Fog or Earl Grey Tea Latte
Originated in the Pacific Northwest, making us all proud. This delicious warm London Fog is based on strong earl grey tea. To make it more authentic, earl grey is sometimes brewed with some lavender. The brewed tea is then stirred with steamed milk and often sweetened with vanilla. For an extremely delicious experience, ask your barista to add a pump of lavender syrup instead of vanilla.
19. Matcha Latte or Green Tea Latte
20. Decaf Coffee
Trash.
