I want to start off with a question, so English teachers, please don't kill me. Have you ever been so in love and had the whole world ripped out from under you? Because I have, more than once. The most recent being the one that hurt the most. The guy was perfect, on paper. In person was a different story.

The guy was great, I really loved him. I just didn't love how he treated me. He'll tell everyone he never hurt me, that he just lost feelings for me and that he didn't want to deal with my altered mental state anymore. He is part of the reason I have depression and he never helped calm my anxiety. He never gave me the respect I deserved, but I worshiped the ground he walked on. He walked all over me and didn't even notice. Before I continue, I want to apologize in advance to all the women who have dealt with abuse. I want to shed light on how my "perfect" relationship ruined my life, and also how it also healed me.

Started off as a simple flirt. I met a guy while working at a local restaurant last summer. I found out he was going to be attending school in the fall, so I slipped him my number. I wasn't intending on anything serious to come out of it because I was seeing someone casually at the time. A month later, a number texts me. Didn't know who it was so I made casual conversation, until I figured out it was the guy from work. We talked, got to know each other and decided to meet up after he got settled in at the dorm later that weekend. We hung out at Walmart because that's what you do in a small town. I joked and laughed with him. He kissed me in the parking lot that night. He met my parents, my grandparents, my siblings, my dogs. It was great in the beginning.

Then secrets, hiding, neglect, abuse.

He began hiding things from me a couple weeks after we started dating. Hid his phone, always had it locked, never gave me a straight answer. This was my first serious relationship in years, I hadn't ever been this serious with anyone since high school. I was scared of him leaving, but I should have been scared of him staying.

Besides the hiding, he started to blow me off after Christmas break. He'd want to hang out with his friends, even after we made plans. But when he did keep plans, he put on this fake facade that everything was perfect. He began to get jealous of other men looking at me, or even talking to me, even his own roommate. He started to become controlling, saying I couldn't talk to this person or that person, some being my best friends.

I could go on and on about how he abused me, but that's not what this is about. I could elaborate on the year of hell he put me through. I could, but I won't. This is my overcoming. I got out of that horrible place in my life, only to find myself in an even worse place. I sank so low that a copious amount of Xanax and therapy couldn't save me. I hit rock bottom and became the mayor.

My depression worsened because I thought he was the love of my life, I swore I was going to marry him. I'm not. I started drinking more, smoking again after quitting for two years, I was staying out late. I was meeting guys who had no good intentions. I started to let myself go.

I'm still recovering from the dark place. But I found someone who honestly and genuinely cares for me. Someone who is scared to lose me, someone who will give me the shirt off his back. Someone who is putting my heart back together, piece by piece. I don't love him, yet. But he has taught me to love myself again. He has become the light at the end of the tunnel for now. And he's someone who wants me to grow. Someone whom I can love.